I have prophesied that lights will shine in the sky on the 8th November 2011. Before this date I will gain 30 million believers. After this date I will have 7 billion believers. The vast majority of people will only believe in me after the 8th November.
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I am the Second Coming of Christ
- Thread starter Timothy
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TheFlyingBastard
New Member
It's looking good for you, M'Lord. Last night I saw a hundred lights in the sky!
MillionSword
New Member
:geek: What'll you do if you're wrong?
terriblecanyons
New Member
The only thing I can come up with is "cool story bro".
Prolescum
New Member
I'm well aware of that fact. By using the term, I was attempting to suggest to you in a general way where I see the bible in relation to other works of stature. Being a resurrected Jesus, I thought you'd be able to pick up my flippant attitude to your risible claims.Timothy said:
Also, thanks for highlighting the gag instead of clearing up the contradiction of your claims. I like a Messiah with a sense of honour. They're the best kind. Like MacGyver. Now there's a man who can perform miracles.
That is plain. I suggest that you've retained little, if any of it at all. If you're the anti-Christ, you're a faker; if you're the Messiah, you wouldn't be reincarnated ergo, you are full of shit. Not that it's not obvious or anything, but you seem to require a more terse and honest approach. That said...
For future reference, I am against feeding people fish. The last guy did that and although I wasn't there, I can sense the ripples of disappointment from the crowd as they (the ripples, not the people) reverberate across time and space even now. Lollipops. Do lollipops. Or sausage rolls. I'm a savoury kind of person, I like my salt. Not my own salt, that's just my insides weeping because they never get out. Must be pretty depressing for them, if you think about it.
So I reckon, instead of trying to convert us heathens to your cause, why not take down the mafia via conversion-from-the-top? Seriously, according to impeccable sources like 'My cousin Vinny', 'Home Alone' or 'eight heads in a duffle bag', Joe Pesci is the kind of force of nature that needs someone with the HP/MP of a Messiah to take him down, and he's the Don Quixote of all the Mafia tribal wrist-bands. Sort him out, make him a serf, lackey or acolyte or whatever and you've got your 30 million viewers in a week or less depending on the speed of Rupert Murdoch (he's in his seventies or something now, give the guy a break!). Also, did you know that Ralph Macchio, known in the world of comics as 'the Karate Kid', is not, in fact, Ralph Macchio who was the actual Karate Kid? No? Read that again. It's surprising how much information is available at the tap of eight fingers and a thumb (for some unknown reason, I only use my right thumb for the spacebar when I type, it's a bit like when I play the guitar I try to refrain from using my fretting pinky finger because I broke it playing basketball and it's not very strong. The obvious difference between those two tales of unalloyed woe is that my right thumb is perfectly fine).
If you really take the time to contemplate what I've said, you'll realise a number of things that I've put in a powerpoint presentation (or an approximation thereof - I won't have Microsoft products in my house, no siree). You may view them next year and we'll see whose predictions were the most prescient. If I win, like I did at poker last night, you can buy me a shop so I can be a layabout at work, if you win, I become your gardener. Is it on like Donkey Kong or should I take my deal to that famous Italian with as much right to the title of Messiah as you? Of course, I refer to the only ever altruistic Mario Mario, brother of Luigi Mario. Everything he does is a selfless act, and to top it all off, he takes everything in good humour. He laughs a hell of a lot, that guy.
TheFlyingBastard
New Member
Stars? You mean the lights in the sky? I know, right? Your prophecy is already being fulfilled a hundredfold!Timothy said:
And you know what's so great? If I start following you now, I can totally brag that I was among the first when everyone starts following you after the implosion reaches us on 08-11-11.
australopithecus
Active Member
Stupid question, I know, but what's causing the universe to implode? Did god sit on it?
Anachronous Rex
New Member
australopithecus said:
Well it turns out the balloon-like expansion in the universe is, in fact, the product of god blowing either into it like a balloon.
Unfortunately as god was finishing an exhale the serpent Satan bit his ankle causing him to inhale, thus destroying reality as we know it.
Dear Millionsword. If I'm wrong then I'll feel sad that I'm not the Christ, but relieved to know for sure one way or another. I'll probably have to get a job.
Thanks, terriblecanyons.
That's great Prolescum. I almost smiled once.
The lights in the sky I am prophesying are new lights flyingbastard (that's just your name, not an insult) they will appear around the world in addition to the stars and the moon and the sun.
It's not a stupid question at all australopithecus. There is an edge to the universe. About 7 billion years ago the edge of the universe became a perfect sphere and instantaneously started imploding at almost the speed of light, the lights we will see are from the edge of the universe colliding with the stars.
Thanks, terriblecanyons.
That's great Prolescum. I almost smiled once.
The lights in the sky I am prophesying are new lights flyingbastard (that's just your name, not an insult) they will appear around the world in addition to the stars and the moon and the sun.
It's not a stupid question at all australopithecus. There is an edge to the universe. About 7 billion years ago the edge of the universe became a perfect sphere and instantaneously started imploding at almost the speed of light, the lights we will see are from the edge of the universe colliding with the stars.
monitoradiation
New Member
Hey tim,
How do we cure cancer and aids?
Thanks in advance.
How do we cure cancer and aids?
Thanks in advance.
australopithecus
Active Member
Timothy said:
So, did the first coming of Christ have an equally ignorant view of reality too or is this just a personal thing?
Anachronous Rex
New Member
Timothy said:
Among other objections, such as the universe suddenly having a physical 'edge,' wouldn't the collapse of the universe cause everything to visibly blue-shift? Wouldn't the cosmic background radiation grow more intense?
Dear Monitoradiation. To cure cancer and AIDS we need to introduce radical and dramatic changes to the fundamental aspects of society. Especially our attitudes towards sex and drugs. Once we do that we will be able to create a world free from war, poverty and crime. We will be able to function harmoniously with each other and with all other organisms and the rest of the world. Science will flourish and we will be able to make medical breakthroughs including finding cures for cancer and AIDS.
Dear Don-Sama. I will be the third coming in Paradise. And nobody fucks with the Jesus!
OK austro tell me why I'm ignorant.
Dear Anach, nothing travels faster than light, so the first thing we will detect from the imploding universe is the light. Because the universe is imploding at almost the speed of light we will not see the light until the implosive energy is almost upon us.
Dear Don-Sama. I will be the third coming in Paradise. And nobody fucks with the Jesus!
OK austro tell me why I'm ignorant.
Dear Anach, nothing travels faster than light, so the first thing we will detect from the imploding universe is the light. Because the universe is imploding at almost the speed of light we will not see the light until the implosive energy is almost upon us.
australopithecus
Active Member
Timothy said:
Ok...
Timothy said:
No there isn't.
Timothy said:
There is no edge to 'become' anything.
Timothy said:
By what mechanism would this spherification cause the universe to 'implode'? The Big Crunch has long since been thrown out, gravity is not strong enough to cause the universe to contract. Rather expansion is accelerating.
Timothy said:
Firstly, if the 'edge' (that doesn't exist) was made of a physical substance that could collide with anything then it couldn't travel at the speed of light, if it couldn't travel at the speed of light then we would see these collisions long before this edge would reach us. The universe is not a fish bowl, it is not a sphere with everything sitting in the middle of it, it's more like dots on a balloon, even if there were an edge matter would be on the edge and unable to collide with it anyway.
Secondly, as has been stated, if the universe if contracting, why is light from other galaxies not tending towards blue shift? Why is background radiation not intensifying? If what you suggest is true we would bloody well know about it already.
RichardMNixon
New Member
Timothy said:
And you are very uncertain as to what any of it means.
australopithecus
Active Member
Timothy said:
For something to implode there needs to be a force acting on the outside of it, a pressure greater than the pressure on the inside. This still makes your assumption worthless because even if there were an edge for stars to collide with the stars would be on the edge an incapable of colliding with it, let alone the fact that there is no external pressure causing implosion.
Further more you claim this happened once the 'edge' became a perfect sphere? if anything a perfect sphere would mean it would be less likely for it to implode as pressure is evenly distributed in all directions.
What you're proposing is not theoretical physics, it's just nonsense.
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