Tolerance

[lrkun]

Do you find it difficult when a loved one, a friend, or someone close starts evangelizing the word of god?

I find it difficult to tolerate when they do this. What's funny is I feel like a demon being exorcised. Still, I dislike hearing from people that prayers work, or god is there for you, or the churc helps us because they pray for us.

Sigh, it's really stupid, I know but I find it difficult to tolerate because what they say, I can explain by science or experience.

What to do? Share how you act in these situations.

 

[RigelKentaurusA]

I tend to be honest.
It pisses people off.

 

[MisterMudkip]

Are they evangelizing specifically to you to try and convince you of anything? If so, you are well within your right to ask them to shut the hell up.

 

[lrkun]

I tend to be honest.
It pisses people off.

Hehe, did you know that your impliedly telling me not to be honest because to piss others off is rude. I know that's not your intention.

Are they evangelizing specifically to you to try and convince you of anything? If so, you are well within your right to ask them to shut the hell up.

1. They want me to go to church, but they know I won't because I've never believed in the first place, I did pretend when I was younger for the sake of my grandma.

2. To be honest, I just assert that I don't want to go. ^^ I literally feel weak when they mention god and the like. It's like a plague, I might get infected type feeling.

 

[justsomefnguy]

Some years ago I had an uncle that pulled this crap. He and his wife and converted to some sect or another that heavily emphasized proselytisation. At a family reunion he stood up among a group that was busy socializing and catching up and began to extol the merits of his particular view of religion. Some of those around him had stopped talking for this, but a few hadn't. I waited for him to pause a bit and made a loud comment to the effect of some people had no respect for others or sense of appropriateness and then continued my conversation in a normal tone, soon enough others resumed their conversations and pretty much ignored him until he sort of sputtered out.

Now I had heard about him and the potential of something like this happening, but I hadn't planned out a response. It was just a response in the moment. Looking back it seems a bit rude and perhaps more than a little passive aggressive, but it was effective for all of that. The way I look at it, once you breach the bounds of politeness, you aren't entitled to its protections. Religious convictions aren't a justification for being an asshole. If someone acts like one, I see no reason not to call them out on it, regardless of the motivation.

 

[Noth]

When I'm with family it doesn't bother me so much if they talk to each other about their faith or even discuss the small differences between their different denominations of christianity. It does, however, trigger a responsive nerve if they start evangelising to me. As an unwritten rule I try to live by I don't bring up the subject of faith unless conversation calls for it. I expect the same amount of decorum from their side. If I get preached at I'll 'preach' back.

Maybe the fact that I live in a very secular country helps in that respect. I can imagine that living in a society where you are the outsider as an atheist things might be different, but:

"...once you breach the bounds of politeness, you aren't entitled to its protections."

Very well spoken and /signed.

 

[Laurens]

First step: Politely tell them that you aren't religious, nor are you interested in becoming religious.

Second step (if they don't stop): Tell them why you aren't religious, and why you would never be religious.

 

[borrofburi]

First step: Politely tell them that you aren't religious, nor are you interested in becoming religious.

Second step (if they don't stop): Tell them why you aren't religious, and why you would never be religious.

Nah, I always ask them if they really want to have this conversation with me. I then ask "if you were wrong about your religious beliefs (entirely, I don't just mean wrong denomination), would you want to know?", and I clarify that there's the possibility that this (series) of conversations could lead to a loss of their faith** and that I've met those who declined to continue the conversation because they find comfort in their religion and they'd rather continue believing even if it weren't true. I then re-ask the questions: "do you really want to have this conversation with me and would you even want to know if you were wrong?"

If they say yes, then by this point they've already, effectively, passed all the major hurdles in having an actual conversation (debate flowchart), so I just have the conversation with them. If they decided they wouldn't want to know if they were wrong, then they chose not to have the conversation with me (and I accept that). If they insist that there's no risk of me changing their mind, I try to make them see how the "conversation" they're asking I enter into is the "sit down, shut up, believe what I tell you" variety and try to explain why that's unattractive and rude and not acceptable (by getting them to realize how they'd react if I tried the same crap on them (see following paragraph)).


**If they insist that it's impossible for anything I say to change their minds, I'll point out that it's an unfair and one sided conversation that they propose where they do all the talking and I do all the listening, where I am expected to radically change my "worldview" and they aren't. I ask them what they'd think (and if they'd be willing to converse with me) if I similarly told them there's *nothing* they could say that would change my mind.

 

[lrkun]

Is it a mind thing that I feel bad when they really believe in their god and I don't? I mean, do you know why I feel like a head ache is coming every time they talk about it? or is it a natural response?

 

[kenandkids]

Everyone I know, knows that I don't abide religious silliness. If they are new to me, it becomes clear quickly. If someone I know tries to evangelise or "pray for me" they generally get one warning before I respond. It rarely happens a second time.

 

[Duvelthehobbit666]

Most people I know are either non religious, don't really care enough about religion to talk about it, or are relatively modern christians who accept science and its method. I only know one person who believes in the literal 6 day creation.

 

[CosmicJoghurt]

Most people I know are either non religious, don't really care enough about religion to talk about it, or are relatively modern christians who accept science and its method. I only know one person who believes in the literal 6 day creation.

You, sir, are a lucky man.

 

[aeritano]

Tolerance: a word not known to religious people

 

[kenandkids]

Tolerance: a word not known to religious people

...a word not [understood by] religious people.

They know it, they just misuse it terribly...

 

[aeritano]

Tolerance: a word not known to religious people

...a word not [understood by] religious people.

They know it, they just misuse it terribly...

i stand corrected Touche

The true irony: they demand that we be tolerant and respect them, while we let them bash and insult us

 

[Memeticemetic]

The true irony: they demand that we be tolerant and respect them, while we let them bash and insult us

Speak for yourself. I give as good as I get. Better, actually, since I tend to be ever so much more clever. And good looking.

 

[aeritano]

The true irony: they demand that we be tolerant and respect them, while we let them bash and insult us

Speak for yourself. I give as good as I get. Better, actually, since I tend to be ever so much more clever. And good looking.

you are a brave man.. Last time i did that, it didnt end all that well...XD


One thing i despise more then Republican gays... is religious gays.... the ultimate insult to our community... i could never date/tolerate one i see them as turncoats and people who are working against our rights. So i could never bring myself to tolerate a gay who is in bed with the enemy.

 

[Noth]

One thing i despise more then Republican gays... is religious gays.... the ultimate insult to our community... i could never date/tolerate one i see them as turncoats and people who are working against our rights. So i could never bring myself to tolerate a gay who is in bed with the enemy.

While I can understand where you're coming from I tend to try a different approach. Personally whether someone believes or not doesn't play a factor initially. If he's religious (meaning, usually, Christian) and doesn't mind going on a date with me he's at least not indoctrinated enough to think he should live a celibate life. Should the subject come up I'll be two minds about it. One the one hand it gives me an opportunity for de-conversion, but I would feel that initial hesitation that I sometimes get when talking to religious people.
On the other hand I don't think I would see myself living the rest of my life with someone who clings to his beliefs despite my obvious disbelief. I know there would come a point where it's a choice between me converting (not happening), him de-converting (possible trouble with his family) or us splitting up.

My family luckily accepted my coming out completely, almost without exception. They were less happy about me leaving the church, even though they've settled down so much now that I can even hold open discussions with some of them about their faith and my irreligion.
I wouldn't go as far as saying someone is 'the enemy' or something like that just because they're religious. If I compare it with my own situation: making the steps towards atheism was a long and hard journey. Admitting it to myself was easier than admitting it to my family. Knowing I was gay was a tough bastard when I still clung to my beliefs and shedding those beliefs has since given me enormous strength and the ability to just breathe and be out completely. I can sympathise with those who are gay but still stuck with their beliefs. I know it's a hard struggle. Sometimes they 'find ways to cope', which usually entails a lot of double thinking and ignoring of the specific doctrines, but sometimes they can benefit from a date that tells them "so you're a Christian huh? Well although I'm rather certain about my non-belief, if you ever want to talk about that let me know, but for now let's just date and see where it gets us."

 

[aeritano]

i admire your convictions noth, But things are very different in the US.

The modus operandi of the overwhelming (if not all) christian sects believe that being gay should be criminalized and in some extreme cases, put to death. Yes.. those people do exists in the US and their motives are very clear. theists (especially Christians), are intent on removing our rights. and preventing federal protection, and various anti-discrimination laws from passing. These laws of course are only things to make us equal.. you know.. like equal access to fare pay, job, housing, etc..

So any gay in the church is supporting the Christian cause, which is to deny LGBT rights

and dont get me started on "gay-friendly" churches in the US. They do not support our cause and are in most cases "draggin their feet" in supporting the gay community. they do not help ANY pro-lgbt cause, they do not rally with us, they do not give money to right unjust laws, they do not make their support known..

Regardless of whether or not the church is LGBT friendly, they are working counter the the LGBT cause in America...

and as a result, the gays that are associated with the churches are in fact directly or indirectly supporting the restriction of their human rights.

They ARE turncoats
they CAN NOT be trusted

 

[FaithlessThinker]

I haven't had a situation like this in years, so I'm looking forward to having one. I wanna try preaching islam to a proselytizing christian, and vice versa. And if they ask why I'm an atheist if I preach islam/christianity, I'd say "because I know it's all bullshit eventhough it sounds so convincing."