Poll: Most Absurd Bible Story

[DeistPaladin]

Which Bible story is the most ridiculous to you?

***Edit***

And the nominees are...

The Creation Account: Two contradictory timelines regarding how Yahweh makes a sky-dome, fixes all the lights like the sun, moon and stars into it, and then creates a magic garden with a talking snake.

The Tower of Babel: A short and sweet ridiculous little story about some ancient people who try to build a tower to reach the sky so they can be with God. Yahweh gets scared in verse 6 and curses them with many languages. This, not the evolution of human speech in different cultures isolated from each other, is why we have many languages.

Noah's Ark and the Flood: A much longer absurd account of a global flood and how the human race as well as the animals survived on a large wooden boat. The full explanation for why this story is ridiculous would involve several doctoral theses in at least several different fields. Gems from this story include an insuffient genetic diversity and a perfect god who twice repents.

Exodus: The great Egyptian Empire gets zapped by Yahweh with 10 curses yet strangely there's not a shred of evidence in actual historical accounts. Moses then leads his people through the desert for 40 years, sustained by magic food from Heaven and water from a stone.

Job: Yahweh shows his appreciation of his favorite worshipper in this book. He and Satan screw with his life over a bet and then can't understand why Job is upset.

The Passion and Ressurection of Jesus: Yahweh loves you. He really loves you. He loves you so much that he sent himself down to earth to sacrifice himself to himself because bleeding on a cross was the only way he could convince himself to forgive you for the fact that one of your ancestors made from a rib ate a magic fruit after speaking with a talking snake. The holy zombie then flew up into the sky after being dead for three days (or 1 and a half, depending on how you count it) and presumably had a spaceship waiting in orbit to take him somewhere other than the vacuum of space.

The Apocalypse: John came from an island known for it's mushrooms. Can you tell?

Other: Please specify.

 

[nasher168]

The apocalypse. It's like the author was on LSD at the time.

 

[Raistlin Majere]

Good ol' Revelations for me

 

[xman]

Wow, tough question. Resurrection is really outlandish and a global flood is quite ridiculous, but I had to vote for creation. The whole world in six days, talking snakes, woman from a rib etc. That has to take the cake. I don't know much about the apocalypse though.

 

[DeistPaladin]

Oh, just to disclose, I voted for the Tower of Babel.

Noah's Ark was a very close second but it's a story that's so wrong on so many levels that you could probably write a doctoral thesis in just about any field of science (Zoology, Meterology, etc) on all the reasons why it's not believable.

The Tower of Babel was my favorite because in 9 short verses, it packs so much absurdity in that even a child should know why it's wrong. They were going to build a tower to reach Heaven and Yahweh was frightened by this? It's a lot more straightforward.

Revelation is ridiculous but more as an incoherent collection of ravings probably borne of a bad drug trip (the fact that John came from an island known for its mushrooms should have been a clue).

Genesis is also pretty silly but so many people seem to be able to dismiss it as "metaphoric".

 

[Zylstra]

Other: This book was written by some of the people named in the third person omnipotent, though they never use the phrases "I saw", "I did" or "I witnessed"- ohm, and I write in 5 different styles

 

[ExeFBM]

Noah's ark for me. Any story that a six year old child can pick apart, and still be considered divinely inspired deserves ridicule.

 

[borrofburi]

It's a tossup between tower of babel and noah's ark. The problems with noah's ark require geology and evolution to understand, but the problems with the tower of babel require evolutionary anthropology and the basic understanding that the earth is a sphere. I voted for tower of babel because I decided that though evolutionary anthropology is a bit more difficult, the whole concept of building a tower to reach heaven can easily be seen as stupid with basic round-earth understanding.

 

[Icefire9atla]

I had such a hard time choosing the most abusurd.

It was between the creation story, Noah's flood, and the apocalypse. In the end I chose the flood though.

 

[Aught3]

I voted for the resurrection; the whole idea of a self-sacrifice (but not really) to forgive something you created for acting in its natural fashion - absurd! :lol:

 

[Giliell]

The Ark
Most other things COULD be done by an almighty being.
But Noah was only ever decribed as human and it simply couldn't have been done, even if there were no problems with genetics.

BTW, Moses being lost for 40 years in the desert for a way of a few hundred miles is proof that men will never ask for directions, no matter how much they're lost

 

[DeistPaladin]

BTW, Moses being lost for 40 years in the desert for a way of a few hundred miles is proof that men will never ask for directions, no matter how much they're lost

OK, there is SOME believability to that story. :lol:

 

[darthrender2010]

I vote for the story of Job. God and the devil making a bet on how much a man believes and loves god by god sending plagues and death on him and his family.

 

[abraxas]

Yeah I voted other in favor of Job as well. After much deliberation. My favorite extra-Biblicial Christian story is that the dinosaurs were on the ark.

edit: On second thought, since the creation story includes the idea of "inherited sin", that might be my new pick. Most absurd oxymoron, for sure.

 

[DeistPaladin]

Oh Sweet Reason, I intended only to add "Job" to the list of options since it apparently was so popular. I didn't intend to wipe out the entire poll. Is there a way to edit back the poll results so far. The count was until this point:

The Creation Account: 7
The Tower of Babel: 2
Noah's Ark and the Flood: 5
Exodus: 0
Job: 2
The Passion and Ressurection of Jesus: 2
The Apocalypse: 2

 

[nasher168]

Meh, I just put what I said before.

 

[orpiment99]

Though I thought about voting for the creation myth, the flood just has too many inconsistencies or improbabilities for me to vote against it. Of all the bible stories it was the one that bothered me the most, from a logical stand point, when I was a child.

 

[xman]

This poll seems to have been reset.

 

[Zylstra]

Oh Sweet Reason, I intended only to add "Job" to the list of options since it apparently was so popular. I didn't intend to wipe out the entire poll. Is there a way to edit back the poll results so far. The count was until this point:

The Creation Account: 7
The Tower of Babel: 2
Noah's Ark and the Flood: 5
Exodus: 0
Job: 2
The Passion and Ressurection of Jesus: 2
The Apocalypse: 2

you truck

 

[GuppyPal]

My parents are pretty religious and made a point to teach me all the Bible stories at a young age. The Great Flood never made sense to me. I don't know as if I would say I didn't believe it, just that I was highly doubtful, even as a 6 year-old. Remembering back to all the questions I asked my mom like "why did all these miracles happen back then but never happen now?" or "how did one man (or his family) travel all over the entire world and capture all the animals and fit them all on a boat?" or "where did all the water come from/where did all the water go?" makes me lose even more respect for those who take the bible literally. If a 5-7 year old child can figure out these stories are illogical at best, why the fucking hell can't a grown adult? Reminds me of a "Family Guy" episode on atheism where one of the "evil" books a bunch of Christians are burning is titled "Logic for First Graders." How true.