I need help coming out as an Athiest

[Dak]

So, I've (as of this summer) deconverted from Judaism to Athiesm (pretty strong). I'm young, still in High School, so I'm still under my parents' dominion. My father is non-religious, but my mother is pretty religious (not creationist or pro-life, though). I know my dad won't have any issue with me being an athiest, but I have no clue how to broach the subject with my mom without getting her pissed. I've described myself as a Scientific Naturalist at one point, but it didn't seem to even register with my mom. She still forces me to go to religious (sunday) school (I don't really mind it though, got friends there).

How should I get around to admitting it to my mom that I'm no longer Jewish?

 

[ImprobableJoe]

OK...

Look...

I've got more posts here than anyone else. I'm older than most of the folks here. I'm pretty well recognized as the biggest asshole here. Do try to take me seriously here, because I don't sugar-coat my advice to people and I know what I'm talking about.

Unless there is a strong reason to make a big issue about it, don't "come out" to your mom at least until you move out of her house. Believe me when I tell you I'm not shy about picking fights and confronting people on their bullshit... but on the other hand I'm old and married and don't have anyone to answer to. You're young and have the whole world to answer to. Don't make your life any harder than it needs to be right now. Since you don't mind going to religion classes, just keep going. When you move out, feel free to stop going, but don't make a big deal of it.

When you're out of college and have a solid life set up for yourself, feel free to make whatever declarations you're most comfortable with. Until then, don't make a big fuss about it unless you have to. In my experience, you have a better position when you don't depend on your parents for anything, AND your parents care a little bit less when you're otherwise established and doing well for yourself. On the one hand, saying "accept me or I'm walking out" makes more sense when you live out of your mom's house. On the other hand, if you're doing well in every part of your life your mom will worry less if the only advice of hers that you're ignoring is the religious stuff.

 

[Aught3]

Welcome to the site, btw.

I pretty much agree with iJoe. Based on anecdotal evidence, many religious parents react badly when they find out their children no longer share their faith. And parents can make your life a living hell - if they so choose. Based on your own assessment you seem to think that telling your mother would lead to some serious tension, so it's probably best to wait until you've moved out.

It's an...uncomfortable position to be in now, but - to steal a phrase - it does get better.

 

[SpaceCDT]

I have to absolutely agree with the above.
I think that it's easier to put up with a bit of nonsense then suffer for it, especially when you are in a situation with family where you have to deal with that person constantly. It's just practical.

When I was living with my parents, my father and I had to keep up the pretense of being Catholic for my deeply Catholic stepmother. It was terrible, Catholic school, etc etc. Anyway, eventually I responded to my stepmother in the heat of an argument about my girlfriend that I "didn't believe in any of that crap anyway." Long story short, she went to my old man to get some support about me being an atheist (my "silly and immature rebelious phase") and dad came out and agreed with me that he was an atheist too. She made our life pretty difficult about it for a few years, fortunately they later divorced.

Best of luck with it mate, whatever you decide to do.

 

[lrkun]

So, I've (as of this summer) deconverted from Judaism to Athiesm (pretty strong). I'm young, still in High School, so I'm still under my parents' dominion. My father is non-religious, but my mother is pretty religious (not creationist or pro-life, though). I know my dad won't have any issue with me being an athiest, but I have no clue how to broach the subject with my mom without getting her pissed. I've described myself as a Scientific Naturalist at one point, but it didn't seem to even register with my mom. She still forces me to go to religious (sunday) school (I don't really mind it though, got friends there).

How should I get around to admitting it to my mom that I'm no longer Jewish?

Be patient for now. Don't come out until you're capable of living on your own. It will take a lot of effort to keep a secret, but it's worth it in the end.

 

[MRaverz]

If you really need to tell someone, tell your dad.

If it's going to cause problems keep it to yourself for now.

Fact is, you don't really need to tell your mum anyway it'll probably come up eventually if you let it.

 

[Dak]

Thanks =D
I guess I'll just keep it to myself for now. If the issue arises (maybe right before moving out to college?) I'll tell her, but until I can be sure it won't make my life a living hell, I'll just keep watching awesome YouTube videos by people like t-f00t, AronRa, etc.

 

[FaithlessThinker]

Does your dad take part in religious activities to appease your mom? If he doesn't, just tell your mom "Look Mom, I'm like Dad now. If you can accept him for who he is, you can accept me too."

If he does, then just wait it out till you can get out of there and live on your own.

 

[Exmortis]

Parents can make life hell... but you can make their life worse... if you push them in just the right places.

My advice, tell her and if she attempts to pressure you then close yourself off from her emotionally. Not completely though, if you make a tiny gestures of emotional or social interaction her mental anguish will increase steadily. As you can tell this strategy is very extreme and frankly, cruel( even by my standards) but it packs a hell of a punch ( especially to mothers), so if you are going to use it make sure you use it wisely. You may want to try and think up extensions of this in order to make the result more... devastating. For example, You can make it worse by interacting normally with your father and other family members and refusing to emotionally connect with your mother.

I have the makings of a violent sociopath... 8D

 

[Andiferous]

Parents can make life hell... but you can make their life worse... if you push them in just the right places.

My advice, tell her and if she attempts to pressure you then close yourself off from her emotionally. Not completely though, if you make a tiny gestures of emotional or social interaction her mental anguish will increase steadily. As you can tell this strategy is very extreme and frankly, cruel( even by my standards) but it packs a hell of a punch ( especially to mothers), so if you are going to use it make sure you use it sparingly. You may want to try and think up extensions of this in order to make the result more... devastating. For example, You can make it worse by interacting normally with your father and other family members and refusing to emotionally connect with your mother.

I have the makings of a violent sociopath... 8D

You scare me.

Take earlier advice. If you need, give your opinion little by little until it's not a huge confrontational announcement.

 

[Exmortis]

You scare me.

I do my best... soon when I am all grown up I am going to hunt down all my aquantinces, kill them, flay them, eat their flesh and then take their skulls to add to my throne as I look down on the world, conquered by my unstoppable army 'The League of Reason'... and I am going to start with online aquantinces first. (que suspensful music)

 

[Andiferous]

Que death reason threads; where there's so much distortion you can't read each other's posts.

 

[Yfelsung]

I'd say maybe come out as a "spiritualist" and keep working you way to atheist over time.

Kind of like letting them down easy.

 

[Deleted member 619]

I'm pretty well recognized as the biggest asshole here.

Don't know how old you are, but I have to object to this.

Edit: The rest of your post, though, I pretty much agree with.

Edit again: What I will say is that, if you really feel it necessary to come out, do it in stages. Start by talking to your mother about the doubts you might have about your faith. This raises the issue in a manner that leaves it open to discussion. That way, you can bring her around gently to the idea without smacking her in the face with it.

 

[Anachronous Rex]

I'm pretty well recognized as the biggest asshole here.

Don't know how old you are, but I have to object to this.

Edit: The rest of your post, though, I pretty much agree with.

Edit again: What I will say is that, if you really feel it necessary to come out, do it in stages. Start by talking to your mother about the doubts you might have about your faith. This raises the issue in a manner that leaves it open to discussion. That way, you can bring her around gently to the idea without smacking her in the face with it.

Yeah, definitely Hack is the bigger asshole.

Hail do the king.

 

[ImprobableJoe]

I'm pretty well recognized as the biggest asshole here.

Don't know how old you are, but I have to object to this.

Maybe you have a wider asshole, but that't between you and your boyfriend(s). :lol:

 

[Deleted member 619]

You gotta purty mouth...

:lol:

 

[ImprobableJoe]

You gotta purty mouth...

:lol:

If you're admitting to being some sort of sexual predator, you might want to take about three steps back. I'm flattered that you find me attractive, but I am not attracted to you.

 

[monitoradiation]

You gotta purty mouth...

:lol:

Hack, is that an sc2 reference?

 

[Exmortis]

Que death reason threads; where there's so much distortion you can't read each other's posts.

Yes, behold... MY EBEL PLAN! :lol: