About to officially anounce my atheism...

[televator]

...to my family.

All my friends have known of my non-belief for a long time, but I never got around to telling my parents. Well, today my mom calls asking me to come over later. She says she just came out of some catholic function. I then ask here what she wants to talk about. She replies by kinda beating around the bush before getting around to god. I kinda paused a bit but then thought it was the perfect opportunity for me to ell he about atheism instead...lovely. So I agreed to meet up with her later at her house.

Now, my parents are divorced but my mom is a bit of a reactive mess who can't keep ANYTHING to herself. So more than likely my entire family (including my extended family in Mexico) WILL find out from her. I've always been a black sheep in the family, but this might really put off a few people. Well, the truth needs to come out sometime, right?

 

[lrkun]

...to my family.

All my friends have known of my non-belief for a long time, but I never got around to telling my parents. Well, today my mom calls asking me to come over later. She says she just came out of some catholic function. I then ask here what she wants to talk about. She replies by kinda beating around the bush before getting around to god. I kinda paused a bit but then thought it was the perfect opportunity for me to ell he about atheism instead...lovely. So I agreed to meet up with her later at her house.

Now, my parents are divorced but my mom is a bit of a reactive mess who can't keep ANYTHING to herself. So more than likely my entire family (including my extended family in Mexico) WILL find out from her. I've always been a black sheep in the family, but this might really put off a few people. Well, the truth needs to come out sometime, right?

It's your choice since it's about you. If you do tell them, be prepared for the worst. Good luck.

 

[Memeticemetic]

Good luck, mate. I hope your mother, and the rest of your family, can accept your beliefs and decisions.

 

[Shaedys]

I hope it doesn't separate you.

 

[televator]

Thanks for the supporting words.

So it's done...I gotta say the way it all went down was quite unexpected. She actually took it pretty good. She began by telling me about some weekend religious retreat. It's some kind of self help program, which actually might tie into why she was so mellow about the whole conversation. Anyway after she's done telling me about it I tell her that it's interesting and that it's good that she's working on her issues.

After some silence she just asked me directly, "Do you believe in god?"

I reply, "No mom, I'm an atheist and I have been for long while now."

"Why don't you believe in God?"

"There is no evidence to prove a god exists, and gods like the one in the bible can be disproved."

"What about spirituality? How can one have self worth and strive for better things without it?"

"Being spiritual is not required to have motivation. Many people are like this."

"Okay, that is reasonable. I respect your belief, but I will pray to god to reveal his truths to you."

"Isn't that a bit of a selfish demand? Why not ask him to help out in Libya or something?"

"Well Okay, but you'll still be part of my prayers."

And that was it for the religious portion of the discussion. I couldn't believe it! Note that this was the same woman who beat the snot out of me when I failed to memorize passages before my first communion....The same woman who called half of my immediate family on the phone when she found out the kind of music I listened to in high school....yeah, pretty major changes here and it seems like those self help sessions REALLY are doing good things toward that. She even asked me to forgive her for the aforementioned actions -- not specifically but in general for the way she was before -- among other things.

So in the end, she didn't overreact as I expected, and I don't think I have much to worry about with her blowing it up with the entire family (but it remains to be seen if she'll tell everyone yet). Crisis averted?

 

[borrofburi]

So in the end, she didn't overreact as I expected, and I don't think I have much to worry about with her blowing it up with the entire family (but it remains to be seen if she'll tell everyone yet). Crisis averted?

Temporarily at least.... I wouldn't be so depressing, except that my mother is generally quite pleasant except for her random rounds of anger, which she always says she's getting better with (and honestly, I think she is).

Curiously enough, I think my growing up with my mother was better, but I have a feeling that whenever I admit to her that I'm an atheist it'll go worse. On the other hand there are indications that one of my siblings is homosexual, and as a result she's actively trying to be less of a bigot towards homosexuals, so maybe after that she'll be more able to be less bigoted towards non-believers.

 

[lrkun]

Thanks for the supporting words.

So it's done...I gotta say the way it all went down was quite unexpected. She actually took it pretty good. She began by telling me about some weekend religious retreat. It's some kind of self help program, which actually might tie into why she was so mellow about the whole conversation. Anyway after she's done telling me about it I tell her that it's interesting and that it's good that she's working on her issues.

After some silence she just asked me directly, "Do you believe in god?"

I reply, "No mom, I'm an atheist and I have been for long while now."

"Why don't you believe in God?"

"There is no evidence to prove a god exists, and gods like the one in the bible can be disproved."

"What about spirituality? How can one have self worth and strive for better things without it?"

"Being spiritual is not required to have motivation. Many people are like this."

"Okay, that is reasonable. I respect your belief, but I will pray to god to reveal his truths to you."

"Isn't that a bit of a selfish demand? Why not ask him to help out in Libya or something?"

"Well Okay, but you'll still be part of my prayers."

And that was it for the religious portion of the discussion. I couldn't believe it! Note that this was the same woman who beat the snot out of me when I failed to memorize passages before my first communion....The same woman who called half of my immediate family on the phone when she found out the kind of music I listened to in high school....yeah, pretty major changes here and it seems like those self help sessions REALLY are doing good things toward that. She even asked me to forgive her for the aforementioned actions -- not specifically but in general for the way she was before -- among other things.

So in the end, she didn't overreact as I expected, and I don't think I have much to worry about with her blowing it up with the entire family (but it remains to be seen if she'll tell everyone yet). Crisis averted?

Good for you.

 

[televator]

So in the end, she didn't overreact as I expected, and I don't think I have much to worry about with her blowing it up with the entire family (but it remains to be seen if she'll tell everyone yet). Crisis averted?

Temporarily at least.... I wouldn't be so depressing, except that my mother is generally quite pleasant except for her random rounds of anger, which she always says she's getting better with (and honestly, I think she is).

Curiously enough, I think my growing up with my mother was better, but I have a feeling that whenever I admit to her that I'm an atheist it'll go worse. On the other hand there are indications that one of my siblings is homosexual, and as a result she's actively trying to be less of a bigot towards homosexuals, so maybe after that she'll be more able to be less bigoted towards non-believers.

Yeah, unfortunately I was literally raised to become a cynical bastard, so I'm inclined to agree with you. I try hard not to be for the sake of not asserting things without reason, but my mom has also had a bit of an up and down pattern to her moods as well. I also told her that I'm now they type of person who doesn't trust without a reliable track record, and that it would be her actions and behavior that would speak to me most. If what she says is true than it will be apparent to me in time. *Her personality, not the whole god part obviously.

 

[Shaedys]

Well, that's a big relief.
So, do you feel a lot better now?

 

[Divergedwoods]

Since in my family religion not only has it not been important,but never even a topic of conversation,the whole concept of "coming out atheist" is to me a royalty foreign concept.
But anyway, congratulations on a favorable outcome

 

[televator]

Well, that's a big relief.
So, do you feel a lot better now?

I always feel a bit less "weighed down" when I'm open about my position with anyone. However it's troubling when someone is put off by it. My mom hasn't shown any extreme reaction on the surface, so yeah, I do feel relieved so far.

 

[DepricatedZero]

I'm really glad that this went well for you

 

[FaithlessThinker]

Preach fervently! Convert your parents!! We need more atheists to join our... eh, church?

(Of course, I'm joking.)

I'm glad this went well for you in the initial stage, but you ought to watch how things will change over time. Now the confirmed fact that you're an atheist in your mother's mind may change her attitudes towards you. The way she talks to you could change. She could no longer be inviting you to home or reducing the frequency of invites. When you meet her, she might find ways to mock or criticize your atheism (and if you do the other way around all hell will break loose with their "you don't respect my beliefs" shit!). She might try to downplay atheism and glorify catholicism in front of you and everyone else to belittle and intimidate you. And if you put forth arguments, it may become a battlefield rather than a friendly get-together.

In short, the reaction maybe spanned over the next few years, rather than compressed into the day you confessed.

Of course there's a chance that I'm wrong and she'll be a great mother she's always been (except for the religiously motivated crap). I'm just saying you should still be prepared for the worst.

 

[televator]

Srsly you guys... I'm glad this forum exists. Such a concentration of people capable of making such rational points has its benefits. Thanks again!

 

[Andiferous]

I don't quite understand the need to 'come out' as an atheist and make a production about personal beliefs, as if to party and have champagne every time we change political affiliations. Not to be snark, but I genuinely can't relate. But this is really all about you anyway.

The second last time I saw my grandfather alive, I told him that I didn't believe in god. I sent the poor old man crying with the pain of three cancers into his bedroom, and I don't even know why I did that to him. Obviously the idea of soul got him through his suffering, and he was deeply wounded that my soul wouldn't find his later. So I give about ten 'god bless you' or 'I'll pray for you' before I say anything. And goddamn - some people do that more after you tell them.

I'm also curious about how many parents these days reallly take their children's ideological orations seriously. "Atheism" is oft considered a 'fad' of the collective 'rebellion' of youth.

I think it is awesome if you acheived something in your quest, and I only post because I'm genuinely confused.

Curiously enough, I think my growing up with my mother was better,

but I have a feeling that whenever I admit to her that I'm an

atheist it'll go worse. On the other hand there are indications

that one of my siblings is homosexual, and as a result she's

actively trying to be less of a bigot towards homosexuals, so maybe

after that she'll be more able to be less bigoted towards non-

believers.

I think that's an excellent reason to break the ice. I'm just not sure about the value in saying "THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE" while joining a step program snd not giving yourself the freedom or opportunity to change your mind again.

 

[FaithlessThinker]

"Atheism" is oft considered a 'fad' of the collective 'rebellion' of youth.

What do you mean by this?

 

[Inferno]

"Atheism" is oft considered a 'fad' of the collective 'rebellion' of youth.

What do you mean by this?

Grandma: You're only rebelling against God, you really hate him, it's a phase that will pass, etc.

That kinda think I guess...

 

[Andiferous]

Pretty much. :lol:

What's really scary is realising that your parents might not realise you ever did or will grow up.

 

[kenandkids]

I'm really glad that this went so smoothly for you.

 

[televator]

I don't quite understand the need to 'come out' as an atheist and make a production about personal beliefs, as if to party and have champagne every time we change political affiliations. Not to be snark, but I genuinely can't relate. But this is really all about you anyway.

I made a thread a bout it.... party time?

Anyway, with atheists being the least trusted group in the US even your own family could react quite strongly towards you. Plus, as a youngster, my parents made it pretty clear that it was THE WORLD to believe in god.... evidenced by the brute indoctrination method they used on me. So yeah, "coming out" being a big deal or not depends on one's situation. Although overall my situation is quite a few levels less dire than if I were a muslim kid declaring him/herself an apostate.