Why Do Christians Cry When Loved Ones Die?

[JacobEvans]

If I thought it was certain that I'd go to paradise when I died, and that I'd be able to see all my dead loved ones and the living ones soon enough, I'd find no reason to be sad at all.

Maybe it's the doubt that religious people have? Idk, what are your opinions on the matter?

 

[borrofburi]

It's fairly simple: they've lost someone and it hurts. Someone doesn't have to be gone forever for it to hurt, saying goodbye for 5 years hurts very much and it's certainly not permanent.

 

[theatheistguy]

If I thought it was certain that I'd go to paradise when I died, and that I'd be able to see all my dead loved ones and the living ones soon enough, I'd find no reason to be sad at all.

Maybe it's the doubt that religious people have? Idk, what are your opinions on the matter?

Compartmentalisation. They realise that their beliefs are absolute bull, but to get through everyday life they believe it anyway. However, when such an event (death of a loved one) occurs, this mental barrier of denial breaks down for a moment as they realise that they will never see that person again.

But eventually, their faith is then built back up by those around them begin citing off lil mantras about how god works in mysterious ways and it's part of his plan. They never take this rhetoric the extra few steps needed to see how fallacious it is by asking what was the meaning or necessity behind child abuse, baby rape, the starvation of a billion people every day, general cruelty and evil in the world and throughout history, solar systems and galaxies colliding, disease, poverty, the list goes on. Sorry, but if this is the best he could come up with, then he's a pretty shit god.

 

[WolfAU]

Two reasons:
1. Doublethink; somewhere in the back of every Christian's mind is the realisation that they're full of shit (as Theatheistguy mentions).
2. As Borrofburi points out, regardless of the presence or absense of an afterlife, the fact that that individual no longer exists on this plane of existance and can no longer be interacted with, carries a sense of loss for the individual.

As someone brought up on the forums earlier, there is an interesting note that many devout individuals fight harder to live than non-theists (ie using more aggressive treatments etc), which seems counter-intuitive, but the reality is that most Atheists have been forced to make peace with death, whereas many Christians hide behind their comforting fairy tales and as such are not at peace with it, making them even more afraid. So many theists display a clear fear of this, and many other related things (fear of death, fear of being alone, fear of a meaningless existance), they know these are not arguments for the existance of God, but they are reasons why they cannot bring themselves to break free of the faith. A good example is in the Ray Comfort and Thunderf00t discussion (Comfort shows clear signs that he is afraid to die, and tries to use that as an argument as to why to believe).

 

[FCAAP_Dan]

for the same selfish reasons we do. that prrson is gone and we'll never interact again.

the whole "they're in heaven" thing comforts them and is a coping mechanism.

 

[GuppyPal]

My uncle died when I was 5 or 6 years old. At the funeral, I didn't shed a single tear, and my older brother was actually really mad at me for not being sad. I didn't understand because he was in a better place and didn't have to suffer anymore and was now smiling down on us. That was probably the first time religious thought didn't really make sense to me.

One of my teachers in 8th grade was a DEVOUT Christian and let it known in class, and he said the reason people are sad when others die is for purely selfish reasons. That seemed a little odd to me that someone could be so selfish they would cry and be mad that one of their loved ones was now in paradise.

There's a lot of things religious people think that I just don't understand how they can. I mean, I understand believing in goofy things, but I just don't understand how they can THINK the way they do.

 

[Zylstra]

If I thought it was certain that I'd go to paradise when I died, and that I'd be able to see all my dead loved ones and the living ones soon enough, I'd find no reason to be sad at all.

Maybe it's the doubt that religious people have? Idk, what are your opinions on the matter?

They know/fear they're wrong

 

[CupOfWater]

I don't think it's because their religious beliefs break down. It's simply because they'll miss them. You know, theycry for the same reason as we do when a close relative dies.

 

[nasher168]

Here's a question: imagine your loved one was teleported into space to a paradise planet where everything is perfect for them and they will be there for ever, but they can never communicate with you for an unspecified length of time when you will go there yourself. Would you feel as sorrowful as if they had died?
I for one would probably not be quite as sorrowful (although I would still miss them dearly), but what about a christian? Since this is pretty much what they believe happens after death, why should they be any less sorrowful?

 

[borrofburi]

They know/fear they're wrong

I think that's a disingenuous position to take, as a theist I certainly did not feel sadness at funerals because I "knew" or "feared" I was wrong, I felt sadness because I would miss that person's influence in my life, same as I have felt great sadness when I lose friendship with people who are still alive even though they're still completely alive and living (hopefully) happy lives.

One of my teachers in 8th grade was a DEVOUT Christian and let it known in class, and he said the reason people are sad when others die is for purely selfish reasons. That seemed a little odd to me that someone could be so selfish they would cry and be mad that one of their loved ones was now in paradise.

I don't know about "be mad" but again, it's simply loss, you will miss that person's influence in your life even if they really are in a better place.

Here's a question: imagine your loved one was teleported into space to a paradise planet where everything is perfect for them and they will be there for ever, but they can never communicate with you for an unspecified length of time when you will go there yourself. Would you feel as sorrowful as if they had died?
I for one would probably not be quite as sorrowful (although I would still miss them dearly), but what about a christian? Since this is pretty much what they believe happens after death, why should they be any less sorrowful?

Exactly.

 

[Gnomesmusher]

As someone who used to believe in an afterlife when I was a kid, I pretty much treated death as though the deceased were just people who transported to a paradise far far away. Sure, I missed them greatly when they died but I got over it pretty quickly because I thought I'd see them again. I guess it's an advantage just as ignorance is bliss.

So yeah, I don't understand why the grief lasts so long for some Christians if they truly believed in heaven. It really does seem like there's doubt in their minds, which is good I think. I'd rather people not take life for granted. I'd rather people not waste what is possibly the only life that we have.

 

[JacobEvans]

The idea that they feel the same way as someone whose loved ones are just gone for a few decades in paradise doesn't seem realistic.

Think about how much worse it would be to needlessly remind someone that their mother is dead than to needlessly remind them she is on vacation for a few decades.

 

[borrofburi]

Having had friends die and having lost friendships with people still alive, I will say that I react to both fairly similarly. When reminded of either person (whether alive or dead) I feel great sadness at my loss. It might not make sense to you, but I can honestly say that I feel similarly when I lose a friend and when I only lose the friendship with the person still alive (the difference with the latter being that I could possibly maybe someday get that friendship back).

 

[Opticon]

It's not doubt in the minds of the religious which causes them to weep. They weep merely for their own sense of loss. As do we all. They merely tack on the complications that go with their religion ("Why God, why?") to add to that most simple of human emotions. I would speculate that the possibility that the loved one is truly in "a better place" rarely, if ever, factors into the grieving process of most (otherwise) sane religious people. I would think that there are some truly delusional people who do in fact celebrate the deaths of loved ones to some extent because of their beliefs, overriding to some extent or another their natural grieving process, but I think by and large that is not the common phenomenon.

To put it simply, they don't doubt... like everything else, they make an exception when religion doesn't make sense in the real world.

 

[Jotto999]

I think we're just wired that way, as highly sociable mammals. Someone we love dies, we get sad - regardless of what stupid religious crap they may have piled on top. And as previously mentioned, losing someone even just temporarily can be very distressing.

 

[JacobEvans]

I think we're just wired that way, as highly sociable mammals. Someone we love dies, we get sad - regardless of what stupid religious crap they may have piled on top. And as previously mentioned, losing someone even just temporarily can be very distressing.

I think you may have hit the mark. The feeling you get when a loved one dies is as natural as the feelings of attraction or feelings of anger we all experience regardless of our belief system.

 

[RestrictedAccess]

For the same reason everyone cries - they lost a loved one and will never be able to see or speak to them again. Heaven is more of a comfort than a grief preventative.