What would you do?

[salko7]

I'm a scholorship student from Saudi Arabia studying in the Netherlands , im here with other Saudi students and i made some friends , they know i'm Atheist , their fine with it.

But they have a problem with me being around , as they see me as "Unclean" or "Taher" .
So they asked me to do some simple stuff that's related to water , like : not spill water off of my body on their floor or use their towels, cause the water that touches becomes unclean.

i had a conversation with some of them about it and they told me how they feel and do if any water touches me , like cleaning the whole bath room or becoming phobic about an area that water dropped on.
so they want me to "care" for their belief , i told them that's out of my control and that's their belief that makes them do these stuff and they should suck it up. They replied we could disconnect from you and not be friends but we're telling you this because we don't want to do that.

but a question is raised here, why should i care for their belief if they don't care for mine ?
& What would you do if this happened to you ?

 

[Predanator]

I would not want to associate with people who expect me to accept being subordinate and inferior to them and their beliefs. So I would imagine dumping a bucket of water over my head and running around their apartment, but in actuality just tell them I respect myself too much to bow to their brainwashing induced neurological disorders. (edit: I probably wouldn't use those words).

 

[lrkun]

but a question is raised here, why should i care for their belief if they don't care for mine ?

That is a reasonable question, but the real issue is do you wish to keep their friendship or not?

1. If you want to remain their friend, why not compromise. Like make some boundaries as to what is allowed and is not allowed, at the same time you respect their beliefs as well as they do something which is to your approval.

2. If not, you can do the noble thing and move on.

What would you do if this happened to you ?

It depends.

1. If I like them, I would compromise.

2. If I don't like them, I'd move on.

 

[nasher168]

That's outright disrespectful on their part. It might be worth looking outside the group of other Saudis at people who will not mind in the slightest what you do with water (if you haven't already). Of course, try to reason with them and keep them on your side, but it's not like it's your fault they believe you're unclean, so why should you have to behave differently to accommodate this? Replace "atheist" with "Chinese people" and it sounds so much worse, but really it's just the same.

 

[Unwardil]

I would simply observe to them that if your friendship was important, they had a third, which is to simply go through whatever ridiculous decontamination ritual they have to every time they feel it necessary, but in exactly the same way that one makes allowances for the needs of a friend in a wheel chair, they're going to make allowances for the fact that you're an atheist. If they see it as a disability, then it is they who should be making the allowances for the condition.

 

[Case]

They replied we could disconnect from you and not be friends but we're telling you this because we don't want to do that.

Oh the passive aggression...

That is actually among the worst kinds of emotional abuse - "see, I love you, but if you don't follow my orders, I won't love you anymore" is something abusive parents quite frequently use in order to control their children. What I would do? If somebody tried this shit with me I would a) acknowledge that they are not real friends and b) tell them they could go fuck themselves.

Pretty much.

 

[monitoradiation]

I would tell them to go eat shellfish. Plain and simple.

Why is it always people who're different from them that has to compromise? Tell them that their beards are considered dirty. Ask them to shave their beards (if they have any). See how they react.

 

[Nemesiah]

I'm not the best one to give advice on the following but I can tell you what happens when you decide to stop walking on eggshells for the sake of other's idiocy.

I'm Atheistic, Vegan and I dont drink alcohol, I don,´t relate well with people that eat meat, belive in god or drink alcohol because I tend to be outspoken about what I think and most people see that together with my "0" compromise attitude to be either pedantic or confrontational (its a little of both but specially the belief that life is too short and precious to mess it over other's demented beliefs)

Most "Friends and family" I do not keep in touch with, as they regard me as a pain in the ass and I regard them as delusional fools.

I have however found people that I can relate to and are actually friends; this doesnt come from believing the same things but rather from allowing each other to call the other an idiot every once in a while we dont compromise, I dont drink but they invite me to the party, they eat meat but always have a salad (I respond by eating out and having a bowl of beans some times), I call them up on the theistic crap and they shut themselves in by saying that my opinion doesn't matter since I'm not a theologist, one of them loves TV and I no longer own one etc....

Our relationship is deeply respectfull; so much in fact that we can insult each other every time and still go to the movies (which I loathe, It's just longer adds really, most of what comes out of hollywood anyway)

We talk, we laugh, and on some ocasions cry together.

Having said this allow me to point out that your "friends" are not such, they don't love you ,¿Could you refuse to touch water that touched them? there can be no compromise, you are accepting to be mistreated just beacuse you are not crazy. If you deppend on this people then by all means find yourself some other support and then tell them to go to hell.

If you do not then why are you putting up with theyr mistreatment in the name of some demented invisible man. If you fear punishment for apostaty the escape! They may very well be the ones to do you in as a way to save your souls and theirs.

If you choose to do this you will loose friends; you will be, for some, an outcast. This may not be for you, you may be higly gregarious; if this is the case (in any case really) then try to make new friends at libraries, universities, pollitical ralies, peta demonstrations, online; not at churches, mosques synagogues, temples, etc...

Most importantly never allow yourself to be mistreated (unless they are pointing a gun at you, be safe first).

My opinion any way; hope it helps

 

[Doc.]

a) acknowledge that they are not real friends and b) tell them they could go fuck themselves.

this. especially the second part.

 

[Laurens]

Tell them to fuck off, and find some other infidel to harass. They aren't your friends talking shit like that to you. There's no reason why you should stand for it, calling you unclean and so forth, friends don't do that.

What would I do. Call them all pathetic scumbags and tell them they can suck my testicles.

 

[Case]

Offtopic, but...

try to make new friends at [...] peta demonstrations,

PETA is pure bullshit.

calling you unclean and so forth, friends don't do that.

Well, occasionally.. when my pals are around... and they smell bad, I do tell them :mrgreen: but yea.

 

[borrofburi]

I can tell you what I did to people who weren't even this unkind: I stopped hanging out with them. They spent all their time talking about jesus, and I spent most of my time with them bored, zoning out, and generally not enjoying their company (and a minority of time we actually talked about movies or pop culture was ok). So I stopped hanging out with them; there were periods of great not-fun in which I basically had no friends who weren't on the internet, but I still preferred that to long stretches of boredom and failure to relate. I've found friends now that I can relate to and who don't spend all their time talking about jesus, and it's a far superior situation. Would I do it again? Probably, but it wasn't fun.

 

[Nemesiah]

Offtopic, but...

try to make new friends at [...] peta demonstrations,

PETA is pure bullshit..

[/quote]

Peta yes; animal righs no; however at Peta demonstrations one can find valuable individuals who share the idea that hurting animals is wrong (if that is part of one's particular ethos)

 

[Schmoikel]

... they know i'm Atheist , their fine with it.

Actually they are not fine with it. Based on the rest of your story, they may acknowledge the fact that you are an atheist but they are in no way 'fine' with it.

But they have a problem with me being around , as they see me as "Unclean" or "Taher" .

If they were 'fine' then they wouldn't use such a derogatory term.

So they asked me to do some simple stuff that's related to water , like : not spill water off of my body on their floor or use their towels, cause the water that touches becomes unclean.

Simple? Do you really think the requests/demands they are making are simple? Let's set aside logic for a moment (something theists are great at) and look at the practicality of what they are asking. If you agreed to their demands, you would have to go to great lengths to please them. Go over the steps in taking a shower in a residence that is shared by many. You would have to carry towels, disinfectant, etc... with you at all times. Do they consider your sweat unclean too? If so, you won't be able to sit on any of the furniture.

so they want me to "care" for their belief

While at the same time they don't care about your belief. Hypocritical.

i told them that's out of my control and that's their belief that makes them do these stuff and they should suck it up.

Good. Let them have their beliefs. You can respect others beliefs without having to conform to their demands.

They replied we could disconnect from you and not be friends but we're telling you this because we don't want to do that.

Passive aggressive BS.
If I were in the same situation, I would look for another place to live. That may not be possible in your situation. If I was forced to live with them, I would simply live my life staying true to my beliefs, views, etc... Let's say you do clean up every single drop of water, since you are considered unclean, I'm guessing they would demand more conformity from you. Perhaps you wouldn't be allowed to sit at the same table for dinner in the event that your hands come in contact with their glasses, silverware, or plates. Perhaps your unclean hands are forbidden to touch the t.v. remote.

Move out, move on, and enjoy your life.

 

[Demojen]

I would not want to associate with people who expect me to accept being subordinate and inferior to them and their beliefs. So I would imagine dumping a bucket of water over my head and running around their apartment, but in actuality just tell them I respect myself too much to bow to their brainwashing induced neurological disorders. (edit: I probably wouldn't use those words).

I'd absolutely use those words.

 

[Clint]

I'd have a bath. Fill up a water pistol with the same water, and saturate them in it... Then let them know.

...Jokes aside. I personally wouldn't consider them your friends. They do not accept you for who you are, don't care if what they think of you is at all rational, and then aren't interested in compromising that asinine belief. It's a very sad state of affairs, and I really am sorry to hear that you've been put into this situation.

If you are willing to comply to their up most utterly stupid conditions - then I guess, you can try your best. But, I feel there'd only be a short period amount of time that you could pull it off, and/or willing to comply. It really is up to you. My personal opinion is that you should move on, make new friends - the end result will be a happier outcome for yourself. Those types of people are laughed at, due to their belief's being such a joke in this day and age. I hope they do feel alienated.

 

[Aught3]

Well this situation sucks. It would be like having a Christian friend who thought you were so terrible that you should be tortured forever

Personally, I wouldn't want to be friends with such people but maybe a compromise would be to not go around to their house any more. Just hang out in neutral territories where attacks from unclean water are less likely.

 

[muchosarah]

hi to tpu. i read your post and i feel sad about you, but there are cases that you must also adopt with their environment.. first of all before you enter that school you have already the idea what culture they have and what might happen to you.. thats all

 

[nasher168]

hi to tpu. i read your post and i feel sad about you, but there are cases that you must also adopt with their environment.. first of all before you enter that school you have already the idea what culture they have and what might happen to you.. thats all

The University is in the Netherlands. It's just others that came from Saudi Arabia that are doing it. The majority in the Netherlands would be fine with it.

 

[UNFFwildcard]

"but a question is raised here, why should i care for their belief if they don't care for mine ? "

Funny. Why am I constantly informed by atheists that atheism is the absence of belief? I thought you had no beliefs to offend - or for others to care for.

Suck it up, cupcake. You're in their home, you comply by their rules. I would do the same.