Lallapalalable
New Member
Okay, Im gonna tell you a little story about meeting up with some old (now former) friends after about 10 years, then I want to know if it actually was as weird and creepy as I took it. Its a bit long, but so many things happened, each just lowering my standards one by one, that I cant really skip too much (this is abridged). Here goes...
I started doing a paper route for some extra cash in january. I noticed one of my customers had the same last name as two kids I used to be friends with at a YMCA summer camp I went to as a kid. So, one day I left a note in one of the papers asking if it was them. A few weeks later, I see someone walking down the street as I was doing my thing and they called to me, and it turned out to be one of them. I was happy to see I was right, and told him to give me a call and we could catch up. We end up agreeing to meet at a local diner at 7pm. I show up there about 6:50, order a beer and wait for them to show up. At about 7:45, I get a call from my brother saying they called the house asking when I was going to pick them up. WTF? I never said I would pick them up, and they're as older than me so I assumed they had a car or cars, or at the very least a license so they could borrow their parents' car. I shrug it off, and drive down to their house. I knock on the door for a good ten minutes before their dad answers, apparently not knowing I was even showing up. He starts talking, and his voice is so slurred and his language so slang I had no idea what he was saying, so I just kinda nodded and smiled. FINALLY, the one kid I talked to comes downstairs and tells me his brother IS STILL SLEEPING, and has to get ready. He invites me to see his room (I hate going into peoples' rooms, dont know why), and all I see is trash, toys and a dirty mattress on the floor. He picks up a wooden tanto replica and says "Yeah, I collect swords!". The tanto was the only one. He then shows me this "awesome book he bought at Barnes and Nobles", which was a picture book of ancient civilizations aimed at 10 year olds. He starts going on about something or other until the other one finally comes out, and then we head back to the diner.
It's now 8:30, and my beer is completely flat and warm. I chug it and ask for another, because already I know Im gonna need it. We order, and while we wait they just grill me on the most random things ever: "Do you still hang out with (other kid I havent seen in 10 years)?" "Do you still play pokemon (I do, but I wasn't gonna get them going on that in public)?" "Are you christian?". That last one only bothers me because I remember they were devout catholics, and I knew this was going to be a sticky topic through the night. I said "kinda", and they decided to start praying. The food finally came, and I ate mine as fast as I could just to get out of there. They, however, enjoy a more prolonged dining experience. Now, the one had a burger, and he covered it with soooooo much ketchup that every time he took a bite, globs of it would pour out onto everything, including his hands and face. Not phased, he just continues eating until he looks like courtney love. He decides that now would be a great time to finally wipe some of the slop off his face, so he gets up to go to the bathroom. But then, he gets another great idea: eat all of his food, then wash his face! It all seems so obvious now! He doesnt even bother using a napkin to at least get some of it off, but rather just makes a bigger mess for later. Ugh. Im already wishing I never put that note in the paper. Meanwhile, their beverages go empty (did I mention they ordered FUCKING CHOCOLATE MILK?!?), so they think it would be awesome to harass anyone who walks by for a refill. The first sees a waiter taking someones order across the aisle, and just says "Hey, get me a refill!" and shakes his cup until the guy turns around and, bless his patience, says 'sure thing' and refills it. He comes back, continues to take his order, when the other decides to follow suit, shaking his glass saying "can I get a refill here?". Interrupted for a second time, the waiter just grabs the cup, refills it and brings it back without saying a word, then finishes his order-taking.
They continue to eat as I sit there trying to pretend to be somewhere else, and they continue bugging me. "Hey, want to go to Vegas next week?" "Should I build a christian theme park (not even joking)?" "Hey, want to go to LA next month?" "Oh wow, 3doors down (Im wearing a concert tee)!" to which he whips out his cell phone and starts playing music IN THE FUCKING DINER. More stuff happens that I wish I could forget, but its really more of the same so I wont bug you with it. You get the gist. The last thing that happens before we leave that has haunted my nightmares was when an old lady walked by and asked if the two kids were twins (they were, I forgot to mention), to which the most christian of the two replies "Yeah, baby, you looking for a good time?" She laughs, probably because she thinks its another joke made by todays progressive minded youngsters. I just sit there in absolute horror and disbelief, while he continues to say such things and she continues to just let it slide. His comment after the whole incident was that he "needs to keep up his A-game". Our check comes, I throw money onto the table and tell them Ill meet them at the car. I immediately smoke the hell out of a cigarette and contemplate just driving away, but they come out just as I find the keys in my pocket. Damn.
The drive back was a bit surreal. They talk about this time that their mother was cheating on their dad and he came home, although they seem to have no idea she was in fact cheating. Im determined to get into a fatal accident by now. Sadly, we arrive in one piece, and as Im trying to say "bye forever" in not so many words, they bug me to play rock band with them. I tell them one song, and go back inside (Im too nice to simply say 'fuck off'). We go upstairs, and I discover the damn thing is STILL IN THE BOX. He pulls out the guitar, and its broken at the frets. Instead of hearing what I was hoping, which was "Oh, I guess we cant play!", I heard instead "You don't mind". Not "You dont mind, do you?", but rather an assertion that no, I do not in fact mind playing with a broken piece of shit. So as hes struggling to connect the thing to the Wii, the other one comes in asking how good I am with history. I say that im okay, so he starts asking me questions for his friends HIGH SCHOOL HOMEWORK. I dont know if they failed a bunch of grades and are still in HS, or if their only friends are still in HS. Either way, that was fucking weird. I just tell them to tell their friend to google it (It was beyond easy and retarded to not know yourself), but they harass me until I tell them. The first still not having figured out the mystical process of AV plugs, I tell them that it was late and I HAD to be home. I left, saying things like "Ill see ya around", and once I got home I scrubbed a whole layer of skin off my body in searing hot water, and still felt like there were microscopic versions of their heads crawling on me.
Ok. For those of you left, is it just me or was that possibly the most awkward night ever? It was for me, but if you can top it...
I started doing a paper route for some extra cash in january. I noticed one of my customers had the same last name as two kids I used to be friends with at a YMCA summer camp I went to as a kid. So, one day I left a note in one of the papers asking if it was them. A few weeks later, I see someone walking down the street as I was doing my thing and they called to me, and it turned out to be one of them. I was happy to see I was right, and told him to give me a call and we could catch up. We end up agreeing to meet at a local diner at 7pm. I show up there about 6:50, order a beer and wait for them to show up. At about 7:45, I get a call from my brother saying they called the house asking when I was going to pick them up. WTF? I never said I would pick them up, and they're as older than me so I assumed they had a car or cars, or at the very least a license so they could borrow their parents' car. I shrug it off, and drive down to their house. I knock on the door for a good ten minutes before their dad answers, apparently not knowing I was even showing up. He starts talking, and his voice is so slurred and his language so slang I had no idea what he was saying, so I just kinda nodded and smiled. FINALLY, the one kid I talked to comes downstairs and tells me his brother IS STILL SLEEPING, and has to get ready. He invites me to see his room (I hate going into peoples' rooms, dont know why), and all I see is trash, toys and a dirty mattress on the floor. He picks up a wooden tanto replica and says "Yeah, I collect swords!". The tanto was the only one. He then shows me this "awesome book he bought at Barnes and Nobles", which was a picture book of ancient civilizations aimed at 10 year olds. He starts going on about something or other until the other one finally comes out, and then we head back to the diner.
It's now 8:30, and my beer is completely flat and warm. I chug it and ask for another, because already I know Im gonna need it. We order, and while we wait they just grill me on the most random things ever: "Do you still hang out with (other kid I havent seen in 10 years)?" "Do you still play pokemon (I do, but I wasn't gonna get them going on that in public)?" "Are you christian?". That last one only bothers me because I remember they were devout catholics, and I knew this was going to be a sticky topic through the night. I said "kinda", and they decided to start praying. The food finally came, and I ate mine as fast as I could just to get out of there. They, however, enjoy a more prolonged dining experience. Now, the one had a burger, and he covered it with soooooo much ketchup that every time he took a bite, globs of it would pour out onto everything, including his hands and face. Not phased, he just continues eating until he looks like courtney love. He decides that now would be a great time to finally wipe some of the slop off his face, so he gets up to go to the bathroom. But then, he gets another great idea: eat all of his food, then wash his face! It all seems so obvious now! He doesnt even bother using a napkin to at least get some of it off, but rather just makes a bigger mess for later. Ugh. Im already wishing I never put that note in the paper. Meanwhile, their beverages go empty (did I mention they ordered FUCKING CHOCOLATE MILK?!?), so they think it would be awesome to harass anyone who walks by for a refill. The first sees a waiter taking someones order across the aisle, and just says "Hey, get me a refill!" and shakes his cup until the guy turns around and, bless his patience, says 'sure thing' and refills it. He comes back, continues to take his order, when the other decides to follow suit, shaking his glass saying "can I get a refill here?". Interrupted for a second time, the waiter just grabs the cup, refills it and brings it back without saying a word, then finishes his order-taking.
They continue to eat as I sit there trying to pretend to be somewhere else, and they continue bugging me. "Hey, want to go to Vegas next week?" "Should I build a christian theme park (not even joking)?" "Hey, want to go to LA next month?" "Oh wow, 3doors down (Im wearing a concert tee)!" to which he whips out his cell phone and starts playing music IN THE FUCKING DINER. More stuff happens that I wish I could forget, but its really more of the same so I wont bug you with it. You get the gist. The last thing that happens before we leave that has haunted my nightmares was when an old lady walked by and asked if the two kids were twins (they were, I forgot to mention), to which the most christian of the two replies "Yeah, baby, you looking for a good time?" She laughs, probably because she thinks its another joke made by todays progressive minded youngsters. I just sit there in absolute horror and disbelief, while he continues to say such things and she continues to just let it slide. His comment after the whole incident was that he "needs to keep up his A-game". Our check comes, I throw money onto the table and tell them Ill meet them at the car. I immediately smoke the hell out of a cigarette and contemplate just driving away, but they come out just as I find the keys in my pocket. Damn.
The drive back was a bit surreal. They talk about this time that their mother was cheating on their dad and he came home, although they seem to have no idea she was in fact cheating. Im determined to get into a fatal accident by now. Sadly, we arrive in one piece, and as Im trying to say "bye forever" in not so many words, they bug me to play rock band with them. I tell them one song, and go back inside (Im too nice to simply say 'fuck off'). We go upstairs, and I discover the damn thing is STILL IN THE BOX. He pulls out the guitar, and its broken at the frets. Instead of hearing what I was hoping, which was "Oh, I guess we cant play!", I heard instead "You don't mind". Not "You dont mind, do you?", but rather an assertion that no, I do not in fact mind playing with a broken piece of shit. So as hes struggling to connect the thing to the Wii, the other one comes in asking how good I am with history. I say that im okay, so he starts asking me questions for his friends HIGH SCHOOL HOMEWORK. I dont know if they failed a bunch of grades and are still in HS, or if their only friends are still in HS. Either way, that was fucking weird. I just tell them to tell their friend to google it (It was beyond easy and retarded to not know yourself), but they harass me until I tell them. The first still not having figured out the mystical process of AV plugs, I tell them that it was late and I HAD to be home. I left, saying things like "Ill see ya around", and once I got home I scrubbed a whole layer of skin off my body in searing hot water, and still felt like there were microscopic versions of their heads crawling on me.
Ok. For those of you left, is it just me or was that possibly the most awkward night ever? It was for me, but if you can top it...
)
