Sexual Orientation

[raegoat]

No problem. It seemed logical enough to include, if you think of sexuality on a graph with four categories. I am surprised at just how popular that option is. So far, there are almost as many a's as homo and bi's combined.

Asexuals tend to be a bit more quiet about their orientation because it's not something that really concerns them. It is more common than a lot of people realize.

 

[ImprobableJoe]

It's not that unusual.

I beg to differ. It may not be uncommon, but it is pretty unusual. :arrow:

This is a situation where I think you and I could never understand one another.

 

[raegoat]

I beg to differ. It may not be uncommon, but it is pretty unusual. :arrow:

This is a situation where I think you and I could never understand one another.

Fair enough.

 

[Giliell]

Lower sex drives are more common than people think, as is an absense of sex drive.

I can't really explain it: I just don't get horny or have the urge to date/do romantic things with or have sex with people. The only time I even mildly entertain the thought is when I'm about to get my period. Even then, I just don't have any desire to actually do it. (sorry if that was TMI)

It's not that unusual.

Hmm, from discussions with other asexuals I've learned that their spectrum is as broad as the "common" sexual spectrum, with some wanting lasting romantic relationships, some not, those who want them coming in all forms from homo to hetero.
Would that be a correct assumption?

 

[DeistPaladin]

Thinking about it, it's natural for the sex drive to diminish as we get older. I definitely notice a difference when I compare how horny I was as a teenager vs. today at 40. I think it's fair to say we all become asexual if we live long enough.

I've heard that asexuality among younger people may be hormonal or it may be psychological. [Rambling personal story edited out as unrelated to this discussion]

"Asexuality is more complex that it seems," one relationship therapist once wrote, "what may seem to be a disinterest in sex may actually be an aversion to sex."

Then again, there are those who just have no interest for biochemical reasons.

 

[Giliell]

Hmmm, I'm arguing here only from "what I've heard or read", but common assumptions about asexuality seem to me a bit like what people used to think about homosexuality: It's something that's "wrong" in the body and that can be fixed.
To what I know, asexual people are completely different to sexual people whose sexdrive is currently low due to hormonal problems.
Believe me, I know what I'm talking about considering hormones, because I'm somebody whose sex-drive heavily relies on hormones. I hate hormonal contraceptives because they reduce it to a level that makes Mr. Spock look like Mick Jagger and pregnancy turns it off completely. Yet I'd never consider myself asexual

@Deist Paladin
From what you're describing I don't think the person was asexual at all. Just unsure, unhappy and having issues with his mum and his sexuality.

 

[CkVega]

That's the only position that I find really incomprehensible. How could that happen?

Lower sex drives are more common than people think, as is an absense of sex drive.

I can't really explain it: I just don't get horny or have the urge to date/do romantic things with or have sex with people. The only time I even mildly entertain the thought is when I'm about to get my period. Even then, I just don't have any desire to actually do it. (sorry if that was TMI)

It's not that unusual.

This just confirms my theory that no woman, anywhere, ever, wants to have sex...... with me at least.

 

[ImprobableJoe]

This just confirms my theory that no woman, anywhere, ever, wants to have sex...... with me at least.

That's more a matter of good taste than sexual orientation, isn't it? :lol:

 

[DeistPaladin]

Surprising number of hets so far in this poll, from a group less likely to be shy about answering honestly were it otherwise. Perhaps it's just skewed because it's a small sample?

 

[borrofburi]

Surprising number of hets so far in this poll, from a group less likely to be shy about answering honestly were it otherwise. Perhaps it's just skewed because it's a small sample?

It's not a surprising number to me, it is the lack of homosexuals that is surprising to me. It's a fairly small sample though. What is the theoretical "correct" value? I thought it was around 1% or something single digit anyway (not that I keep close track by any means).

 

[Durakken]

first off... I'm a virgin. If you say that you must have had sex to know that you are this or that then the following has no merit.

I am attracted to women. Only women. I don't have fantasies of other men, nor do I find other men attractive in a sexual manor.

However, I'm open to the experience and feel that if I fall in love with someone, it will have nothing to do with gender and if I'm in the middle of some sort of sexual act and some sort of homosexual act happens I may be open to that, but it has to do with my feelings of the moment than me thinking the person is attractive or anything like that.

I also always wonder what this or that would feel like, not in a sexual way. For example I see a pen I wonder what it would feel like to jam through my arm, but I don't find the idea appealing and i wouldn't do it (less I'd be certain i would just get the experience and none of the consequences...VR is going to be fun ^.^)

So I am either a 0 or 1 depending on what you define as "incidental"

 

[CkVega]

This just confirms my theory that no woman, anywhere, ever, wants to have sex...... with me at least.

That's more a matter of good taste than sexual orientation, isn't it? :lol:

You mean 'Fat' and 'Bald' aren't in fashion at the moment? Damn

 

[Giliell]

Surprising number of hets so far in this poll, from a group less likely to be shy about answering honestly were it otherwise. Perhaps it's just skewed because it's a small sample?

It's not a surprising number to me, it is the lack of homosexuals that is surprising to me. It's a fairly small sample though. What is the theoretical "correct" value? I thought it was around 1% or something single digit anyway (not that I keep close track by any means).

Agree
I've read numbers of 5-10% of homosexuals.
But I think that the heterosexual number makes more sense with the comments people gave alongside in mind.
Most of us admit to have homoerotic thoughts or fantasies, but they are of so little importance that we file ourselves as heterosexual

 

[orpiment99]

I'm bisexual, something I didn't truly become aware of until about five years ago. I had looked at the same sex a lot, but didn't realize why (and doesn't that sound foolish) until a friend made me think about it. Proof came later...

I know a fair few women who are willing to admit to being bi curious or bisexual, but only two men.

 

[DeistPaladin]

I'm bisexual, something I didn't truly become aware of until about five years ago. I had looked at the same sex a lot, but didn't realize why (and doesn't that sound foolish) until a friend made me think about it. Proof came later...

Both from personal experience and what I've heard from other bisexuals, it's not at all unusual. I think earlier in the thread I called it the "lust into envy" formula. I didn't realize I was bisexual until my early 30s. Had I gotten married to my then fiance in my late 20s, I'd have probably never made that discovery. There may be some who go through life and never know.

 

[Jotto999]

Total votes : 69

Win.

Anyways, I'm heterosexual - 'very much so', in regard to those saying it's shades of gray.

Though, I think some men are especially handsome, interesting, good looking, or admirable. However, the idea of me and him doing sexy things is for me quite disgusting. I would never, ever, want anything to do with another man's sexual organs - nor him with mine. Doesn't mean it's not okay, or 'not right', I think people should just do whatever they like. Just means I personally would never want to, and I think gay bashing is idiotic.

 

[orpiment99]

Both from personal experience and what I've heard from other bisexuals, it's not at all unusual. I think earlier in the thread I called it the "lust into envy" formula. I didn't realize I was bisexual until my early 30s. Had I gotten married to my then fiance in my late 20s, I'd have probably never made that discovery. There may be some who go through life and never know.

It would make an interesting research topic.

I do wonder how much the predominant view on sexuality, at least in the U.S., affects our lack of awareness of our own sexuality when it deviates from the norm.

 

[lonelocust]

I've repeatedly thought of starting a blog and have different people give their experiences of bisexuality, but I have yet to get around to it.

The only sexual orientation I've never thought I was is straight. When I was at the age most people started having sexual attractions, crushes, etc., I just never did. I thought I was asexual. But I was raised by fundies. So then rather later (16ish) I started having same-sex attraction and realized "Oh, I'm gay. I just though I was asexual because I was brainwashed to think that everyone 'is' straight and homosexuality is a 'lifestyle choice' and a 'sin'. Well that's cool!" Then a bit later I fell in love with someone of the opposite sex, and have been consistently bisexual in attractions and activities since then. I am unclear on why I didn't have opposite-sex attractions for many years after I had sexual feelings. I always vaguely thought I "should" be bisexual, because I didn't like thinking of my attraction as based on bodies instead of minds, but it just didn't happen for a long time. That might be all there is to it; I'm still only attracted to very few total people when you get down to it.

I identify with the alternate words like "pansexual" and "sapiosexual", but I'm comfortable with the label "bisexual". I sort of like the archaic "ambisexual", though.

Personally, I think a lot of problems of identity deal with the fact that sexual orientation IS such a strong identity factor. If people are usually gay but are just once attracted to a person of the opposite sex, getting into a relationship with that one person suddenly challenges this huge sociologically built-up identity. I think it's probably quite common for people to be "mostly" homosexual or heterosexual but maybe have one or two people outside their usual attraction group that they're into, and it seems likely that those attractions are not followed through on because doing so requires a social identity change. In happy puppy land, we'd all just say "I'm attracted to whom I'm attracted to. Whatever," but of course the real world doesn't work that way. I also recognize that it's easy in a way for me to sit in judgment of people not following their hearts (or pants) because the social identity that I've been sitting in for years means no one breaks my bubble of sexual orientation.

Now if I'm ever physically attracted to a perky cheerleader type or a super manly man, I might have a sexual identity crisis.

 

[Giliell]

Personally, I think a lot of problems of identity deal with the fact that sexual orientation IS such a strong identity factor. If people are usually gay but are just once attracted to a person of the opposite sex, getting into a relationship with that one person suddenly challenges this huge sociologically built-up identity. I think it's probably quite common for people to be "mostly" homosexual or heterosexual but maybe have one or two people outside their usual attraction group that they're into, and it seems likely that those attractions are not followed through on because doing so requires a social identity change. In happy puppy land, we'd all just say "I'm attracted to whom I'm attracted to. Whatever," but of course the real world doesn't work that way. I also recognize that it's easy in a way for me to sit in judgment of people not following their hearts (or pants) because the social identity that I've been sitting in for years means no one breaks my bubble of sexual orientation.

Now if I'm ever physically attracted to a perky cheerleader type or a super manly man, I might have a sexual identity crisis.

Well, I don't think it's only that, but also another factor which I'd label:
What kind of relationship-type am I?
Some people are very happy with having changing partners, or having a partner AND other sexual partners and so on.
I know for myself that above the question of homo-bi-heterosexual I am a long-term-monogamy-type. The Pope would be almost proud of me.
So I made a choice, a commitment to that one person and I want it to last.
And no matter if I find other men attractive or if I'm attracted to a woman, there's simply a line I don't cross and the best thing to do that is to push the whole matter aside. Constantly thinking about "how" and "what if" and walking the world as if I was still "on the hunt" would most likely only make me unhappy, make me feel as if I missed out on something.

 

[lonelocust]

I wouldn't suggest that people who feel monogamy is best for them be non-monogamous. I am purely addressing the non-taken or non-monogamous.

Now someone can still be monogamous and bisexual, just as one can be a virgin and whatever orientation. But as far as my point that people don't pursue attractions because it disturbs their social identity which is tied up in attraction to one genitalia type, this would be largely irrelevant to the taken and monogamous.