Sexual Orientation

[DeistPaladin]

Like most catagories, it may be a judgment call as to how you might classify yourself. Personally, I think sexuality is a matter of bisexual shades of gray.

I've heard that "10%" figure before but wonder how they computed that and where the lines are drawn. For example, I seem to be mostly attracted to females, all things equal, but the male body is nice too and gender was negotiable during the last few of my single years. Knowing how we define sexuality in purist terms in our society, I classify myself as "bisexual". So would I be counted in that 10%? I suspect that percentage should be much higher if so.

Anyway, with the disclaimer that the lines may be a bit fuzzy, how do you identify your sexuality?

 

[SatanicBunny]

Yeah, classification is a always a bit hard, because we don't exactly have rules as to "what counts." I remember reading an about a study of people's sexual fantasies. According to that study, the 4th most common fantasy amongst heterosexual men is oral sex with other men. However, according to some sexologist that was interviewed in the article, having fantasies about other men does not make one homosexual or bisexual for that matter. I guess it's because having fantasies about men is one thing, and actually fulfilling them is another.

The vast majority of males with this fantasy are not gay or bisexual, says MaCarthy, adding, "What makes a fantasy erotic is that it's different from the reality of your sexual life."

So, based on both that study and my own thoughts, I would say that just having fantasies about people of the same sex or admiring their bodies does not automatically make one bi/homosexual.

Personally I'm heterosexual and as far as I can remember I've never had any sorts of homoerotic fantasies. But unlike many straight men I don't find the thought of gay sex to be repulsive - I just don't consider it attractive either.

 

[ImprobableJoe]

Yeah, classification is a always a bit hard, because we don't exactly have rules as to "what counts."

Really? Before reading your post, I was just planning on saying that this was the easiest poll I've answered on this site.

I'm a straight male. I've had dry spells long enough to know exactly what I'm interested in, and what I'm not willing to be involved with. Other guys just don't "turn my crank." I've also been involved in enough kinky/weird shit that I know that I'm not just being "uptight" or whatever. :lol:

 

[Abi]

I usually like to go by this when thinking about sexuality. It's a fairly nice gradient, as it takes the fact that a lot of people (more than most would like to admit) find the other sex attractive in some shape or form.

I rate myself about a 5 on it, putting me at homosexual.

 

[DeistPaladin]

I usually like to go by this when thinking about sexuality. It's a fairly nice gradient, as it takes the fact that a lot of people (more than most would like to admit) find the other sex attractive in some shape or form.

I rate myself about a 5 on it, putting me at homosexual.

Something I'm curious about, most of the openly gay that I've spoken with about my "shades of gray" idea (as indicated by this Kinsey scale you liked to) deny they've had even any passing fantasies about the opposite gender (a sort of straight-curious gay analog to the study linked to by Satanic Bunny). Maybe I've only spoken with "6's" about it but I remember how in one online discussion the other poster seemed moved to angrily deny the existence of bisexuality completely and call me a liar for taking the label. He's not alone, as I've come to understand there are some gays who seem to regard bisexuality as a hot button issue. Can you or anyone else shed any light on this?

 

[ImprobableJoe]

Something I'm curious about, most of the openly gay that I've spoken with about my "shades of gray" idea (as indicated by this Kinsey scale you liked to) deny they've had even any passing fantasies about the opposite gender (a sort of straight-curious gay analog to the study linked to by Satanic Bunny). Maybe I've only spoken with "6's" about it but I remember how in one online discussion the other poster seemed moved to angrily deny the existence of bisexuality completely and call me a liar for taking the label. He's not alone, as I've come to understand there are some gays who seem to regard bisexuality as a hot button issue. Can you or anyone else shed any light on this?

I know some lesbians get pissed off at it because they feel like bisexuality is just straight chicks "slumming" and/or something that leads men to say "all you need is a good hard cock to straighten you out." I don't know what pisses the gay dudes off.

 

[borrofburi]

I usually like to go by this when thinking about sexuality.

I'm pretty much a 0 on that scale. The results are... interesting. The concept of gays hurts my head because it doesn't make sense to me-who-likes-females. Indeed the concept of heterosexual females hurts my head, except that my primitive mind simply accepts it as fact that most girls like men. The concept of lesbians makes perfect sense to me, because I like females, I can understand why someone else would like a female.

Note, before anyone jumps on me, I am no bigot, I am for gay-marriage, proposition 8 saddens me. It is not my business to control or determine who you are allowed to love or not love. "Understanding" and "perfectly fine with" are two different concepts: while I don't understand gays, I am perfectly fine with homosexuals.

 

[Abi]

Something I'm curious about, most of the openly gay that I've spoken with about my "shades of gray" idea (as indicated by this Kinsey scale you liked to) deny they've had even any passing fantasies about the opposite gender (a sort of straight-curious gay analog to the study linked to by Satanic Bunny). Maybe I've only spoken with "6's" about it but I remember how in one online discussion the other poster seemed moved to angrily deny the existence of bisexuality completely and call me a liar for taking the label. He's not alone, as I've come to understand there are some gays who seem to regard bisexuality as a hot button issue. Can you or anyone else shed any light on this?

Well, in social regards bisexuals are seen as "easy", and will have sex with anything they can get their hands on.

Internally, I think it's just them being uncomfortable with their sexuality. Like many straight men who will become enraged at the hint that you're calling them gay, I'm sure many homosexuals (I live in texas, so I don't exactly get the chance to meet many) are just as uncomfortable with the thought that they may like the other gender "that way". I've known the feeling of not being sure of what you are when you find yourself oogling at a gender your not "supposed "to like. People want to be divided into categories, they want to belong to a group, they are afraid of uncertainty. At least, that's my opinion.

 

[Gnomesmusher]

It's strange but I can talk about gay sex and joke about it around my friends (gay and straight) and I am in no way disgusted by it. Well, no more than I would thinking about others having sex, but I have no sexual attraction towards other guys whatsoever. I think if I ever had any homosexual tendencies it would be of the mental and emotional kind something like a "man crush". So does still fall into sexual orientation even if it has nothing to do with sex?

 

[enterman]

I usually like to go by this when thinking about sexuality. It's a fairly nice gradient, as it takes the fact that a lot of people (more than most would like to admit) find the other sex attractive in some shape or form.

I rate myself about a 5 on it, putting me at homosexual.

On that scale I suppose I'm a 2 or 3. It's only in recent years that I've come to accept that I'm attracted to the same sex as well as the opposite though. It was an odd day when that happened. I suppose I never denied it, I was mostly just apathetic towards it most of my life.

 

[Spase]

Something I'm curious about, most of the openly gay that I've spoken with about my "shades of gray" idea (as indicated by this Kinsey scale you liked to) deny they've had even any passing fantasies about the opposite gender (a sort of straight-curious gay analog to the study linked to by Satanic Bunny). Maybe I've only spoken with "6's" about it but I remember how in one online discussion the other poster seemed moved to angrily deny the existence of bisexuality completely and call me a liar for taking the label. He's not alone, as I've come to understand there are some gays who seem to regard bisexuality as a hot button issue. Can you or anyone else shed any light on this?

My take on it has always been that bisexuals are seen as weakening their position that being gay is something you're born as. It also must come in part from the fact that people have a hard time understanding other people having fundamentally different feelings than they do... I have a hard time understanding how a man could be attracted to another man.. it's one reason I'm so sure homosexuality is clearly real and clearly biological. It isn't morality keeping me from it, it's my biology.

In fact.. I think this same reasoning suggests why studies have shown that a higher proportion of homophobic men show arousal to gay porn than non-homophobic men. Men who are at least in part bisexual and are taught that homosexuality is evil really *feel* like homosexuality is a choice. For them it really is a choice to be "straight" and so they generalize that to everyone else and assume that all gays are making the choice to be gay.. which of course God hates...

I think I meant to write more about why I've heard from some gay people that bisexuals bother them.. but I can't remember as much as I thought I did.

 

[Marcus]

One of my gay friends has an irrational dislike of lesbians. He even admits that it's irrational.

 

[FSAthe1st]

Interesting topic. Myself, I've always been attracted to the opposite sex, and this is no less true today than it was in my teens. I suppose I've had a "man crush" (an intellectual and somewhat emotional need to bond with some guys) on occasion, but nothing ever sexual came from it.

Then again, I've often had people tell me how being gay is a sin and so on. Usually I don't waste time with them. Others tell me that it's unnatural, and I point out the fact that I once lived in a cottage near a farm where I routinely saw cows go at it with each other. They usually don't know how to respond to that. Sometimes they tell me it's just plain disgusting, and I point out to them that gay people sometimes find sex with members of the opposite gender "disgusting" too, yet we don't feel the need to accept such claims. It all comes down to the "anatomy of disgust", in what we are conditioned biologically and educationally to consider unacceptable.

When it comes to sex with the same gender, I'm the kind of guy who says "it's not for me, but what's wrong with it?" It's a little like white wine. It's not for me, but what's wrong with it?

 

[Netheralian]

I'm pretty much a 0 on that scale. The results are... interesting. The concept of gays hurts my head because it doesn't make sense to me-who-likes-females. Indeed the concept of heterosexual females hurts my head, except that my primitive mind simply accepts it as fact that most girls like men. The concept of lesbians makes perfect sense to me, because I like females, I can understand why someone else would like a female.

I laughed so hard - mostly because I can't help but think exactly the same way. I really can't understand how women like men, but am somewhat grateful that they do...

 

[DeistPaladin]

Note, before anyone jumps on me, I am no bigot, ... "Understanding" and "perfectly fine with" are two different concepts: while I don't understand gays, I am perfectly fine with homosexuals.

No offense taken from me anyway and the distinction is easy for me to take in. It's all the effect of how the brain is wired. You can intellectually get it but still have trouble fully comprehending it based on your own biochemistry.

So does still fall into sexual orientation even if it has nothing to do with sex?

The idea that sexuality is "bisexual shades of gray" seems to cover this. Note that shade of gray are black and white at their extreme ends, so you can still have pure straights and pure gays as part of the population. Maybe this "man crush" (whatever that is exactly) fits into very subtle hints of the opposite end of the spectrum?

Once we get over the taboo against love between people with similar body parts, there may be more research in this question.

On that scale I suppose I'm a 2 or 3. It's only in recent years that I've come to accept that I'm attracted to the same sex as well as the opposite though. It was an odd day when that happened. I suppose I never denied it, I was mostly just apathetic towards it most of my life.

I can relate. Most bisexuals start out thinking they're straight and don't discover otherwise until later in life. We are genuinely attracted to the opposite gender and anything else can be glossed over with what I call the "lust into envy" formula. Any occassion where I spent too much time admiring a guy not to require some explanation to myself, I'd tell myself it's what I wanted to look like.

 

[Giliell]

I think I'm a 1 on the Kinsey-scale.
I class myself as heterosexual. I see other women as (sexually) attractive, even phantasize, but, well, it never crossed my mind to live those phantasies.

I'm pretty much a 0 on that scale. The results are... interesting. The concept of gays hurts my head because it doesn't make sense to me-who-likes-females. Indeed the concept of heterosexual females hurts my head, except that my primitive mind simply accepts it as fact that most girls like men. The concept of lesbians makes perfect sense to me, because I like females, I can understand why someone else would like a female.

I can understand that part about "I like (fe)males so I can totally understand why they do, too", but I also take the other side: "I, as a (fe)male want to be liked, loved and desired, and since I don't think there to be anything wrong with somebody feeling attracted to me, I can understand them, too."

 

[raegoat]

I classify myself as asexual, and I thank you for remembering to put that option on the poll.

 

[DeistPaladin]

I classify myself as asexual, and I thank you for remembering to put that option on the poll.

No problem. It seemed logical enough to include, if you think of sexuality on a graph with four categories. I am surprised at just how popular that option is. So far, there are almost as many a's as homo and bi's combined.

 

[ImprobableJoe]

I classify myself as asexual, and I thank you for remembering to put that option on the poll.

That's the only position that I find really incomprehensible. How could that happen?

 

[raegoat]

That's the only position that I find really incomprehensible. How could that happen?

Lower sex drives are more common than people think, as is an absense of sex drive.

I can't really explain it: I just don't get horny or have the urge to date/do romantic things with or have sex with people. The only time I even mildly entertain the thought is when I'm about to get my period. Even then, I just don't have any desire to actually do it. (sorry if that was TMI)

It's not that unusual.