Random and possibly untrue facts about badgers.

[Visaki]

The most favored class played by badgers in WoW used to be druids, with 23% of the badgerbase. After MoP 97% of badgers play a panderan monk.

 

[nemesiss]

on weekends, some badgers when bored decide on trolling forums by pretending to be hyper centric douchebags with a nack for being pretencious

 

[Prolescum]

In the year of our lord twelve eighty two, seventeen badgers, from the desert plains of West Sussex, were entrusted with a most holy mission: to guide the baby Jesus during his second coming to Bethlehem (Alabama) via Gethsemane (North Carolina). Their complete failure in this task is often attributed to an obstructive Toltec businessman of ill-repute.

 

[Laurens]

The philosophical importance of the badger has largely been concealed in the West. However in Eastern traditions badgers are viewed as the most philosophically important of all creatures. Consider this Zen koan:

"One of Master Yuji's students was meditating on the mountainside when he was brutally attacked by 6 badgers. Upon returning back to the temple to clean his wounds, Master Yuji stood in the doorway and said "what happened to you?". "I was attacked by 6 badgers" replied the student. Master Yuji turned his back to the boy and shouted "were you attacked by badgers or did you attack the badgers?""

Zen monks who pondered this riddle were said to have visions of Buddha and often achieved enlightenment in less than 16 minutes.

 

[Noth]

Badgers have extensive stag and hen parties. These feasts are known to last several months, during which they ravage the countryside and are found merry in the strangest of places. Once, a billionaire returned from a business trip and found his penthouse taken over by partying badgerettes. Although he is otherwise sworn to secrecy, he could not help but revealing some of the goings-on of the badger hen night scene. To this slight, the badger community at large responded by naming his penthouse "a must visit for all stag and hen parties!"

As the name suggests, our terms Bachelor and Bachelorette are bastardisations of the Badger varieties.

 

[Frenger]

Badgers are not being systematically slaughtered by the Government.

What? We can't have one true fact?

 

[Lallapalalable]

Badgers are not being systematically slaughtered by the Government.

What? We can't have one true fact?

Beat ya to it, brah, by 3 1/2 months. But yes, there can be true facts, as the possibility of untruthitude is not guaranteed.

However, I must contend the substance of this fact, as I know from, er, "inside sources" that there is an entire division of the Federal Government devoted to the genocide of badgers showing sympathies to fringe states of the Middle East. To date, roughly 4,300 innocent, albeit radical badgers have been gassed and cremated. Their remains are then distributed in a small yellow plastic box with a brown rabbit drinking chocolate milk printed on the cover.

 

[Laurens]

The problem with the badger cull is that badgers are 99.9% invincible, that is the real reason for the delay, the government need to figure out where to get hundreds and thousands of plastic vegetables.

 

[malicious_bloke]

The problem with the badger cull is that badgers are 99.9% invincible, that is the real reason for the delay, the government need to figure out where to get hundreds and thousands of plastic vegetables.

Same place you get plastic footwear.

C'mon, even the Otters have figured this one out. Proof:

 

[nemesiss]

badgers are responsible for 90% of all financial contributions made during election period, in order see which human best serves their purpose

 

[Prolescum]

In 1984, a badger (nominally titled His Grand Proxy), Curtis O'Donovan, was arrested and charged with making too may jokes ending in the phrase "...too soon?".

The charges were dropped suddenly when it became apparent that His Grand Proxy had connections to Jimmy Saville, the Conservative front bench, and Jonathan King.

 

[Lallapalalable]

Badgers mummify their dead, usually placing them in small tombs filled with the deceased's personal belongings. These tombs are usually dug under a white oak tree and measure sixty by one hundred twenty centimeters. Most tombs have been exhumed by grave robbers, yet human construction projects and natural erosion reveal dozens of new sites annually.

Modern badger clans have discontinued this tradition, the most recent mummies being circa 1779. Historians are in debate as to whether the American Revolution somehow played a role in the abrupt global cessation of badger mummification, yet there remains so little else of their culture before this time, and modern badgers are shockingly silent on the subject, that no definitive answer may ever be given. Some obscure sects still build the tombs, but only for tradition, decoration, or winter storage of their gardening equipment.

 

[Your Funny Uncle]

Badgers cause Americans both to drive more safely and to eat more Mexican lemons.

 

[Laurens]

Badgers have been in the news again lately due to their supposed exploitation by llamas---who use them to gain entry into small cracks and crevices and carry out hours of intensive labour for little or no reward. Badgers gathered outside the International Llama Assembly yesterday to stage a rally against what they perceive as outright exploitation and "badgerphobia" on the part of the llamas. "Us badgers are furious" said Colin Tunsdale representative of the BFEWC Union (Badgers for Fair and Ethical Work Conditions) "action must be taken, and that's why we're here at the rally today"

We asked a representative from the International Llama Assembly for a statement, but they declined to comment. "Badgers aren't llamas, why should I care about them?" said one particularly inconsiderate llama.

The words "F--K BADGERS" were spray painted across well known, unapologetic socialist badger Ian Tinsley's motorcar this morning. "I suspect it's due to my involvement in the protests" he said. Geese are calling for an end to the tensions between llamas and badgers that are at their highest since 1976.

 

[Noth]

Recent tensions among minority groups in the Yorkshire Badger community have caused the minister of Badger Affairs to resign. Some locals blame his policies for the recent high immigration rate, stating that "this never would uv 'appened if that blasted tunnel hadn't been dug between us and mainland europe," talking about the succesful Badger Aquatic Movement's, or BAM's, dig from south of Newcastle to the Dutch province of North Holland. The BA minister had approved the plans for the dig.

In an official response he stated that "[he] never intended for the Badgers of Yorkshire to be faced with such an influx of continental Badgers," and he "didn't think the tunnel would be used for another two decades."

How exactly the BAM managed to dig the tunnel in such a short time remains a closely guarded secret. Some among the more radically patriotic Yorkshire Badgers expect there was foul play. "If there's owt we know about them mainland skunks* it's that they cheat you at everything. They probably already started building that ******* tunnel years before they bribed the minister to approve it!"

BAM was not available for comment.

*Skunks is a regional derogatory term for Badgers from mainland Europe

 

[Laurens]

Depraved Secrets of The Badgers
New documentary shows the dark side of one of Bill Oddie's favourite critters

A still from the new documentary 'Bad Bad Badgers' showing a badger off its face on small red pills

Its not often that a documentary is released that can truly change your perceptions, but Clive Cockford's new film Bad Bad Badgers does exactly that. The opening scene sets the tone for the whole film; a badger, so high on drugs that it is snapping at the ankles of small children as they play on a round-a-bout at the local park.

"There's a reason that people haven't seen this side of badgers before" states producer Warren Anderton, "mainstream media, and public figures such as Bill Oddie and Rolf Harris make a living out of the dangerous and down-right misleading portrayal of Badgers as being the saints of the animal kingdom."

Saints or little furry Satans? Studies have shown that Badgers are generally peace-loving creatures, but drug addiction, petty theft and cunning scams are becoming more popular among the younger badgers.

Bill Oddie was indignant when our researchers spoke to him, calling the film "utter trash" and saying "I've watched badgers almost every day since I was a child, not once have I ever seen one act like a thug, this film is full of falsehoods and lies."

"Bill Oddie would say that" responded Anderton. "He is a shameless Badger apologist". The controversy continues.

Bad Bad Badgers is released in UK cinemas on October the 16th​

 

[ajh]

The theme song of this thread


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0apsOhWV2M&list=FLw-Qp9LUNOL9pJhL5oAu3Yg&index=16

 

[nemesiss]

For months, badgers have been suggesting Jason Burns that he can have and win a debate with AronRa.
They created an account on the LoR and are now trolling him.