One Question

[xman]

How about this under 'questions for theists' banner:

*ahem*
"I'm thinking of deconverting from my lifelong atheism and have been looking at other options. Please tell me briefly why I should choose to worship your god among the many excellent gods available to me".

X

 

[Aught3]

Two questions

Do you offer a group discount?

Will an electric monk suffciently fulfil my new god's faith requirements?

(Next person does three questions :twisted: )

 

[theatheistguy]

Three Questions

Does your faith require me turning off my brain?

Will I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside when I pray instead of actually doing something to help?

Will your representatives touch my kids?

Next post does four questions :ugeek:

 

[DontHurtTheIntersect]

Is there a membership fee?

Is your hell eternal, or do you do a finite amount of time in regards to your sins?

Does your god/gods enforce their decree(s), or do they just heavily imply that you follow them?

Does your god think with portals?

Next post does 5 questions

 

[xman]

(Next person does three questions :twisted: )

TYVM!

How much obeisance must I do?

Is there a lot of kneeling and bowing?

If I have bad knees and a bad back can I get a pass?

What is your god's name?

How 'sexy' is your god?

Does your god think with portals?

What does that mean!?!

*Next post does six questions. :lol:

 

[Netheralian]

Is alcohol an integral part of your rituals?

Can I wear knee high animal skin boots and carry a large hammer as part of ceremonial dress?

Will I be able to covert my neighbours donkey?

If Timmy has 6 apples and Billy has 4, then how many Atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many days of rest will you be providing per week?

blah burg urrm ik blah boo? (I assume you understand better when I speak in tongues?)

Next 7 questions please!

 

[Zylstra]

1)can I marry a girl if I rape her?

2Do I have to pay 40 silver pieces?

3)Do I have to shave her head

4)Can I sell her later

5)Do I have to keep the kid

6)Do Leviticus/the old law/the ten commandments still apply?

7)Do you have any daughters?


Next person does 9/. Bonus if you can figure out why 9

 

[Giliell]

How many men can I marry?

Any good celebrations including alcohol and lots of food?

I don't do fasting, does that matter?

Are your bumper-stickers offensive and colourful?

Are there any food laws like "don't eat fish you can smell before you can see it"?

What am I allowed to do to my children if they don't pay heed?

Can I get a tax-break on your god?

Do I have to love all my neighbours or only those who believe in the same god

10 questions, please

 

[dveeant]

Is eating certain animals off limits?

Do I have to follow a dietary program according to the time of year or day?

Am I allowed to marry multible underage girls?

Do I get magical protective underwear?

Am I allowed to own slaves?

Do I have to belive I am infested with demons or dead space aliens?

do I have to pay more money to further progress in your church?

Do you practice symbolic cannibalism?

Do the hats your preist wear get funnier with the higher rank they are?

What kind of swag do I get?

 

[xman]

If you were to create a D&D character of your god what would be his outstanding characteristics?

If you could play any character from your god's mythology, who would it be, why and how would you play him/her?

How many enemies does your god have?

If your god has no enemies and is untested how can I trust him to defend me against my enemies?

If you could make a D&D character of any enemy god what would its despicable characteristics be?

How many battles has your god lost to another god?

Who has bested you god and how did they do it, ie. did they trick your god or cheat or was your god beaten fair and square?

If your god has had no battles with other gods what is he/she afraid of?

What is you favourite mythological story about your god?

What is the loss to me, if any, should I at any time choose not to worship your god?

What does your god really have to offer that any of those other gods don't?

What is the penalty, if any, should I at any time reject your god?

You, like me, clearly don't like the idea of worshiping many of those various other gods (it's always good to encounter a brother atheist ), what would you say is the greatest drawback of worshiping your particular god whether it be ritual, ideological or even personal?

*next person does twelve

 

[mealstrom]

More importantly, is there some sort of trade-in program with virgins? I'd take 3 experienced women in their 30's over 72 virgins any day.

 

[MillionSword]

You can't "deconvert" from atheism.

 

[xman]

You can't "deconvert" from atheism.

WATCH me! and you're breaking our stride, dudes.

 

[Zylstra]

You can't "deconvert" from atheism.

stop ruining the fun :evil:

 

[Marcus]

Well, since the only reason to join a religion with no hard evidence would be to make my life easier:

Is your god jealous, or can I simultaneously follow other faiths?

How many Holy Days does your faith have?

How many of these regularly fall outside the periods covered by the holidays of the main faiths (those that you get off from work anyway)?

How many of these are always on a Monday or Friday?

Are there any times of the working day when I'd have to refrain from work for religious reasons?

Are there any normal duties of regular jobs that I would be exempted from due to following your faith?

Can you think of any other ways that I could use being a follower of your faith to get paid for doing nothing?

Does your church provide regular free entertainment?

How about free food?

Does your faith hold any illegal drugs so sacred that it would be legal for me to possess them for religious reasons?

Do you get free samples of these drugs?

Does your faith require any commitment of time, money or effort from me?


OK, next up is thirteen.

 

[scalyblue]

You should worship my God, JR "Bob" Dobbs.

Unlike those other gods that give away substandard salvation, Bob will sell good, honest salvation to you at a discount.

 

[benoitms]

The questions are:

Is it free? That run down Scientology...

How many virgins do I get?

Do I have to wear that ugly dress too?

Are there any singing? Why a hell white men can't sing in tune at church???

Do i have to get messy and kill, burn, stone, rape people? I'm a pacifist...

Are there any forbidden food? One of the stupidest religious idea! "Don't eat pineapple"

Do I get a parking card? Alway useful!

When exactly will the "Big secret" reveled to me? Scientology, Free masons and others spend there entire life waiting for it...

and the most important one for me: can I keep my guitar in the afterlife? I don't see myself playing lyre for eternity...

 

[Juuso]

Does your god have any views on music?

How do you respond to claims your god was in an orgy with several other gods?

Jewish Zombies, y/n?

Do you get pissy about other people's beliefs?

What is evil?

What is good?

Can only your god's followers be good?

Holidays! how many are basically stolen from the other faiths?

How many other peoples have you beaten down and crushed underfoot in the name of your god?

Hows the world gonna end?

 

[xchillx42]

Does your god think with portals?

What does that mean!?

Its a reference to the game portal. The point of the game is to use portals to achieve a level goal, hence 'thinking with portals'.

I highly recommend it.

 

[joshurtree]

Do you take death bed conversions?

Does it matter if I don't actually believe in your god?

Can I ignore the bits of your religion I don't like?

Can I make up new bits that I do like?

What's your penalty for reading a Dawkins book?

What events can I look forward to (Second coming, Armageddon etc)?

How many brain cells are likely to be killed during the conversion?

How much abuse of heathens will be expected?

Do kids go free?