My Aunt's Funeral was Hijacked by HyperChristians

[DepricatedZero]

About half a year ago, my aunt died in a car accident on her way to work. This shook me to the core at the time, and I've been stewing with it since. I don't think I mentioned anything about it on here - I like to keep a reign on my stronger emotions and deal with them privately and sort through my thoughts. I have a few people I turn to when I really need to talk, and I did. As that goes, I'm still dealing with losing her, but what happened at her funeral was unforgivable.

She lived about 5 hours from me, not a short drive. I dropped everything, though, to be sure I was there. Everything was tastefully done(well, except for one major thing, but that's not relevant) and I was glad to see that more of my family had made it. My mother and I mourned with her husband.

Then the preacher arrived.

This wasn't like any other funeral I'd ever been to. Last I went to was my great grandmother, who was very religious, and her funeral was very pleasant with the priest talking about how wonderful a person she was, her friends talking about the times they'd shared with her and remembering her, all in all that was a rather pleasant funeral. Religion was in it, sure, but she was the centerpiece - the reason we were there, and the focus of the day.

My aunt was anything but, apparently. This asshat turned her funeral into a recruitment session. He wasn't subtle, and in fact he was rather vile about it. He first brought up the topic of death, and how death makes us question life, and uncertain, and then asked why we have funerals? Well, we have funerals so that we can be comforted in knowing that there's a life after death, so says he. And then he has the audacity to say that misery and suffering, such as this death, are brought about because some of us question god's word, and infidels are the cause of pain and suffering in the world. Those foolish enough to disbelieve will have to answer when they die, and so on and so forth - basically attacking any non-(Protestant? I think) and then offering acceptance and forgiveness if you just raise your hand and acknowledge that jesus is your savior and the one true god is your god. He literally ignored my aunt, and from the point that he appeared, it could have been anyone's funeral, because she wasn't part of it. She wasn't the focus of the day.

I drove straight home after the funeral and didn't stick around as I had planned to. I was livid, and I still am. This was...abhorrent, abominable, atrocious.

This bothers the shit out of me. I've taken time to party for my aunt and she would have wanted, but I feel like her memory was pissed on there.

 

[Thyssane]

Shite, that's horrible....
Have you been able to talk with others who were also there about it? Your Mom, uncle etc.

Also, you could, if not done already, contact that carrion crow's church and file a complaint about it. As far as I know, a deceased's next of kin have a say in what will be going on at the funeral (or at least that's my experience).

And of course, my belated condoleances to you.

Best regards,
Thyssane.

 

[DeusExNihilum]

I can empathize entirely as my Granddad recentlyish got the same treatment at his funeral, which I described on my blog


There are no words, though I find streams of insults and damnations come close.

 

[australopithecus]

Yeah, that's been my experience with funerals too. Back when I was a good little altar boy I served mass at many a funeral and the ratio was something like 80% God 20% dead person. Now it wasn't until I grew up and knew better and had my grandparents funerals that it really, really pissed me off.

My grandad's funeral was last Monday, he had a humanist ceremony, and it was all about him. The Minister didn't have a clue what he was talking about and got names, dates and other things completely wrong, but at least it was about my grandad.

Grief in general is used as a shoehorn to shove religion into peoples faces too often, and ok, if people want a religious funeral then fair enough but at least make it about them and not Jebus.

 

[RichardMNixon]

Seems to be a common theme...

My grandfather's viewing had an afternoon session and an evening session.

My mother asked the pastor who lived a few doors down to preside over the afternoon session and it was really nice (this was a pastor who had given a sermon praising Harry Potter). All about how my grandfather loved gardening and we were his garden. I think at this point I was calling myself a Deist rather than Christian but it didn't really matter because it was about my grandfather; I could have asked for no better ceremony.

My born-again Uncle brought his pastor in for the evening session. He threw his hands up while shouting that if we accepted Christ-Jesus, we could go to heaven to be with this great man (my grandfather) again. His wife was ~three seats down from me and just shouted "Praise Jesus!" throughout the whole thing. I don't think my mother spoke to her brother for weeks.

 

[televator]

This is incredibly close to the experience I just had at my aunt's funeral. http://www.leagueofreason.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=7265

However, I wasn't close to her as you seemed to be your aunt. I'm very sorry things turned out like that for you.

 

[BrainBlow]

In this case, I think I'd explode.
That wouldn't be pretty. But such a preacher is a HIGHLY unlikely scenario in this area.

 

[Noth]

Seeing as how my entire family (save a select few) is Christian I will almost always attend funerals in churches where the reverend holds a speech. Luckily I haven't had such a radical one yet, but I think I would walk out during the "sermon" if any of them turn out like yours did. Over the years I've developed a very strong "I will not be preached to" attitude I think is unavoidable when growing up with quite religious parents and surroundings.

I would indeed also see if I could file a complaint of some sort. They don't have to apologise to me, but maybe in future events they'll take into consideration that not everyone buys their bullshit at face value.

 

[Cnidarious]

Unforgivable.

This person should be ashamed.
Vile predatory Preachers using the Death of loved ones to swoop in an try to snag converts.

 

[DepricatedZero]

This is incredibly close to the experience I just had at my aunt's funeral. http://www.leagueofreason.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=7265

However, I wasn't close to her as you seemed to be your aunt. I'm very sorry things turned out like that for you.

Actually, it was that thread that made me decide to bring this up. I didn't want to post this there though, because the thread has a bit of a different tone to it (like the Big Lebowski clip). I'm furious still, and while I can approach the subject lightly, this instance holds more gravity to me.

Shite, that's horrible....
Have you been able to talk with others who were also there about it? Your Mom, uncle etc.

Also, you could, if not done already, contact that carrion crow's church and file a complaint about it. As far as I know, a deceased's next of kin have a say in what will be going on at the funeral (or at least that's my experience).

And of course, my belated condoleances to you.

Best regards,
Thyssane.

I did talk to other family members. Both my brother(also atheist) and mother(Catholic) were appalled. I didn't want to dishonor my aunt by causing a scene at her funeral - despite the fact that I feel that's exactly what the preacher did. It took every ounce of willpower I had to sit through the remainder and walk out calmly at the end.

I would contact his church to complain, but I doubt it would do any good. Further, I'm not sure what his name was, or even how to find it. As it goes, I'm happy to hold my memory of my aunt and remember her fondly. That scumbag doesn't mix in to how I feel about her, and in the end I think that's what counts. I just wish that her going out had been more about her.

 

[borrofburi]

I would have objected...

If I had paid for it I definitely would have objected, even threatened to sue if he didn't fix it up somehow.

 

[televator]

This is incredibly close to the experience I just had at my aunt's funeral. http://www.leagueofreason.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=7265

However, I wasn't close to her as you seemed to be your aunt. I'm very sorry things turned out like that for you.

Actually, it was that thread that made me decide to bring this up. I didn't want to post this there though, because the thread has a bit of a different tone to it (like the Big Lebowski clip). I'm furious still, and while I can approach the subject lightly, this instance holds more gravity to me.

Ah, that's totally understandable. This affected you much more differently than it did me, given your personal attachment Vs. my lack of attachment (as bad as that sounds), so I see how my thread had more levity in the ambiance than what you might consider appropriate for telling your story in. I actually feel bad now. I didn't stop to think how others might have had a much more serious objection to this kind of situation. However, I'm glad it didn't completely turn you away from wanting to tell your story -- as unfortunate a story it is to carry. I feel truly sympathetic toward your case.

 

[DepricatedZero]

Ah, that's totally understandable. This affected you much more differently than it did me, given your personal attachment Vs. my lack of attachment (as bad as that sounds), so I see how my thread had more levity in the ambiance than what you might consider appropriate for telling your story in. I actually feel bad now. I didn't stop to think how others might have had a much more serious objection to this kind of situation. However, I'm glad it didn't completely turn you away from wanting to tell your story -- as unfortunate a story it is to carry. I feel truly sympathetic toward your case.

Don't feel bad. I was glad, reading your own story, that you weren't affected as I was. Your observation was more...detached, more objective. Nothing wrong with that. It actually was the impetus for my own post - it made me realize that this wasn't a fluke, that this has happened to others. I don't often talk about events in my own life on here, because I don't think they're interesting or relevant most of the time, or I fear I may be reading too much in to something. Well, in this case, I wasn't, and I think - I fear - this may be more common than the incidents you and I experienced. While I'm enraged at the disrespect to my own family, I hadn't thought to analyze it the way you had, and it's enlightening to hear others views on it.

 

[budlac]

Every inch of me would want to object, but how? In which way could one tastefully tell this smut-peddler that he is being an ass, without taking away from the message of the day: honouring the deceased. I think it would be a tough situation to handle.