Las chance; spoilers from here:
One thing that I hate more than a bad movie is a movie that could have been good, that should have been good and yet.... nothing.
First: I'm not an Ironman fan, I do not own the comic, I do not know the storylines so I will be ranting like a bitch about what I just saw and my very meager and mediocre understanding of movies, feel free to take me to school on both topics.
Iron man I and II were nice movies, the first one great the second one not so much but still a good time.
Iron man III is not a good movie, it is a rather mediocre one.
Dont get me wrong, the cast does the best with the material, the special effects were nice, the action scenes were entertaing but cocksucking christ was the writing bad!
Laster chance, hate starts here:
The mandarin? yeah, only a decoy, no such villain. Let's NOT put the most famous Iron villain in what is probably the last of the Ironman movies. Imagine how cheated you would have felt if in the last 5 minutes of the dark knight returns you were told the joker was actualy an acronim for a new arm of Lexcorp that targeted gotham as a weapons test area, yeah, pretty pissed. No magick rings, no crime organization, no nothing, just a dude in a costume. they had been setting up the 10 rings for the other 2 movies and for this? to get a cheap laugh?
Pepper Pots? lets give her super powers for 3 seconds so she kills the bad guy; Pepper pots was a good character BECAUSE she was the damsel in distress and yet, through sheer determination refuses to go batshit insane. Pepper was not worthy of the last punch she did not go on the adventure, she was there to be rescued, not to do what fucking IRONMAN couldn't do, good thing though they took their superpowers 3 seconds later so it was not character development, it was just idiotic lazy writting.
Don't know what to do with happy? make fun of him and then put him in a coma, yeah, daytime soap opera material here.
Eldrich? yeah, let´s makke him the most obvious villain in the first 3 minutes of the movie, don't want to save anything for later. I mean in hollywood if you have any sort of disability during a flash back, you are going to be a royal asshole by the end of the movie.
Cool bad chick has a chage of heart? what would happen to the character? will she become a beacon of peace for the avengers?... yeah.. not since she got shot in the chest as anticlimatically as possible.
Then there was the kid.... whenever I see a kid in a movie and it is not being kidnaped as motiviation for the hero I know I'm in for a bad time and sure enough the funny sidekid makes it appearence and this loathesome cunt has the audacity of actually helping Iron man. At which point did we need a fucking kid? a nerd helping him? maybe, but a kid? with the fucking dora the explorer watch?! I know Ironman has always had a funny bone to it but it was double entendre, not giggles for toddlers.
I went t see an IRONMAN movie, that means I want to see IRONMAN getting laid, kicking ass, and developing awesome technology, not the girlfriend killing the bad guy, the kid helping motherfucking Ironman, jarvis pounding the goons into submision, and the iroman computer figuring everything so I can explain the plot to those slow enough to have missed it.
Now Ironman has PTSD because of the events in new york. why? becouase fuck you, Ironman is not cool, his just a chum, yeah, just a chum like everybody else, NO! Ironman was not like this, he shouldn't be like this; end of the world? fuck you here is a quick comeback, shrapnell in the heart? fuck you that just fuels my revenge further. now, things etting too tough? my alchoholism shields me. Now he is frail, he needs to retire (Batman Failses anyone?)
About the lazy writing, the idiotic plot explainig device that solves the plot so that Ironman doesn't have to think, the fact that warmachine takes off while his best bud is getting pummeled, the cheap ass "lets make the armor not work for 3/4 of the movie, its like making a superman movie except that surprise! he has no powers, how exciting is watching a sperhero with no powers (or gadgets) for most of the movie.
The problem with the movie is the writing, plain and simple, they wanted to make a less awesome film (why I don't know) and humanize tony stark, the hero is the goddammned suit, the fact that Einstein's smart handsome cool rich cousin is inside it is just the icing on the cake. Iron man Is not about a guy coming to terms with his past, understandig what true love and responsability is or relating to his childhood through some mewling quim of a kid; it is about a dude in a suit being awesome, screwing broads and blowing bad guys to kingdom come.
Aaaanyway, once all of the bad gooey hate is of my chest (who am I kidding there is and endless supply) I can rejoin the ranks of those that come together for calm rational discussion.
And now
What did you think of Iron Man 3?
Best regards
Ed.
One thing that I hate more than a bad movie is a movie that could have been good, that should have been good and yet.... nothing.
First: I'm not an Ironman fan, I do not own the comic, I do not know the storylines so I will be ranting like a bitch about what I just saw and my very meager and mediocre understanding of movies, feel free to take me to school on both topics.
Iron man I and II were nice movies, the first one great the second one not so much but still a good time.
Iron man III is not a good movie, it is a rather mediocre one.
Dont get me wrong, the cast does the best with the material, the special effects were nice, the action scenes were entertaing but cocksucking christ was the writing bad!
Laster chance, hate starts here:
The mandarin? yeah, only a decoy, no such villain. Let's NOT put the most famous Iron villain in what is probably the last of the Ironman movies. Imagine how cheated you would have felt if in the last 5 minutes of the dark knight returns you were told the joker was actualy an acronim for a new arm of Lexcorp that targeted gotham as a weapons test area, yeah, pretty pissed. No magick rings, no crime organization, no nothing, just a dude in a costume. they had been setting up the 10 rings for the other 2 movies and for this? to get a cheap laugh?
Pepper Pots? lets give her super powers for 3 seconds so she kills the bad guy; Pepper pots was a good character BECAUSE she was the damsel in distress and yet, through sheer determination refuses to go batshit insane. Pepper was not worthy of the last punch she did not go on the adventure, she was there to be rescued, not to do what fucking IRONMAN couldn't do, good thing though they took their superpowers 3 seconds later so it was not character development, it was just idiotic lazy writting.
Don't know what to do with happy? make fun of him and then put him in a coma, yeah, daytime soap opera material here.
Eldrich? yeah, let´s makke him the most obvious villain in the first 3 minutes of the movie, don't want to save anything for later. I mean in hollywood if you have any sort of disability during a flash back, you are going to be a royal asshole by the end of the movie.
Cool bad chick has a chage of heart? what would happen to the character? will she become a beacon of peace for the avengers?... yeah.. not since she got shot in the chest as anticlimatically as possible.
Then there was the kid.... whenever I see a kid in a movie and it is not being kidnaped as motiviation for the hero I know I'm in for a bad time and sure enough the funny sidekid makes it appearence and this loathesome cunt has the audacity of actually helping Iron man. At which point did we need a fucking kid? a nerd helping him? maybe, but a kid? with the fucking dora the explorer watch?! I know Ironman has always had a funny bone to it but it was double entendre, not giggles for toddlers.
I went t see an IRONMAN movie, that means I want to see IRONMAN getting laid, kicking ass, and developing awesome technology, not the girlfriend killing the bad guy, the kid helping motherfucking Ironman, jarvis pounding the goons into submision, and the iroman computer figuring everything so I can explain the plot to those slow enough to have missed it.
Now Ironman has PTSD because of the events in new york. why? becouase fuck you, Ironman is not cool, his just a chum, yeah, just a chum like everybody else, NO! Ironman was not like this, he shouldn't be like this; end of the world? fuck you here is a quick comeback, shrapnell in the heart? fuck you that just fuels my revenge further. now, things etting too tough? my alchoholism shields me. Now he is frail, he needs to retire (Batman Failses anyone?)
About the lazy writing, the idiotic plot explainig device that solves the plot so that Ironman doesn't have to think, the fact that warmachine takes off while his best bud is getting pummeled, the cheap ass "lets make the armor not work for 3/4 of the movie, its like making a superman movie except that surprise! he has no powers, how exciting is watching a sperhero with no powers (or gadgets) for most of the movie.
The problem with the movie is the writing, plain and simple, they wanted to make a less awesome film (why I don't know) and humanize tony stark, the hero is the goddammned suit, the fact that Einstein's smart handsome cool rich cousin is inside it is just the icing on the cake. Iron man Is not about a guy coming to terms with his past, understandig what true love and responsability is or relating to his childhood through some mewling quim of a kid; it is about a dude in a suit being awesome, screwing broads and blowing bad guys to kingdom come.
Aaaanyway, once all of the bad gooey hate is of my chest (who am I kidding there is and endless supply) I can rejoin the ranks of those that come together for calm rational discussion.
And now
What did you think of Iron Man 3?
Best regards
Ed.