Holding the door?

[Durakken]

I'm curious as I find it somewhat interesting to watch people, since I have a lot of time where I have to waste near a door... I noticed that some people will hold the door for someone, some will refuse to hold the door, some will only try to take advantage of someone else holding the door and let it close on someone else, some will hold the door for a long time, some will hold it for a short time, some will hold it for women, and some will hold it for men...

You think this correlates to how polite and/or moral they are, or maybe it's how easy it is to use them? I think the majority of people do hold the door for others.

Where do you think this courtesy ends? For example if someone is say 100 feet away, do you hold the door? should the person run to get to the door quicker? Should someone near by open the door for passing people if they aren't doing anything and not using the door?


Strange question, but I just think about it every now and then...

 

[xman]

Yeah, open doors for people when you can, especially if they look like they could use the help. there are degrees though. If a capable person, particularly if they are male is behind me I'll hold the door open behind me for a second to help out, but if I notice a woman with a child approaching a door I'll step out of my way to help her if I can. Old folks and the disabled get the special treatment too.

Today on the crowded train, a blind man got on. The woman standing next to me said, "Can someone please give up the courtesy seat"? that wasn't too out of line really, but then she went up to one young guy specifically and started berating him. She was an asshole at that point (and I said so) and I wanted her gone. We shouldn't expect people to be well mannered (even though it would be nice), but we should encourage such behaviour if we can. Chastising someone for not doing what you want them to do is out of line though. A moment later a seat opened up where I was standing and I offered it to the man.

 

[Heathen57]

I don't know if it correlates with the actual morality of a person since morality is subjective in my opinion. However I do believe it it directly shows how a person was taught to treat others in matters of courtesy.

What we taught our (now adult) children was that you treat others like you wish to be treated. Definitely not from a Biblical viewpoint, but it worked well. It also had the consequence of embarrassing other adults.

When our daughter was around 5, we were taking our clothes to the laundry. Our 10 year old son was helping to carry, and our daughter took on the task of holding the door for us. Well between our loads, some woman came up and our daughter held the door for her as well. Now we always taught them to be polite and specifically if they were holding a door and the person thanked them, they were to say, You're Welcome.

Now this woman was one of the "Nose-in-the-air" crowd and just shoved past our daughter without saying a word. Daughter thinking she was supposed to say her line after the person came through the door, yells out in her high pitched voice YOU'RE WELCOME!

The other patrons turned and looked of course and the woman realized that she had just dissed a polite 5 year old. As she was leaving with her dry cleaning, she made sure to say "Thank you.", to which daughter properly replied, this time in a normal voice.

The reason for this story is to say that perhaps even when it is just convenient might remind others of their manners. It is bound to make the world a more enjoyable place.

 

[Giliell]

Well, being on the "receiving end" of this for the last two years, I've made a lot of observations on this.
I live in a small town, in a 13 storey building, so there's quite a chance of arriving at the door at the same time somebody else does.
So, for a small town, the figueres for people holding a door for a woman with a pram or toddler are (personal estimation)
Holding the door for a few seconds: 70%
Running in front of you to open it or waiting for a longer time: 20%
Letting the door slam into your face: 10%

When I visited my relatives in Berlin, those numbers changed drastically:
Holding the door for a few seconds: 40%
Running in front of you to open it or waiting for a longer time: 10%
Letting the door slam into your face: 50%

Personally, courtesy varies according to the needs of the other person or my own.
There's no fixed amount of time or something like that.
I wait for longer if I see an elderly/disabled/heavily packed/pram-pushing person.
I also wait longer if it's my next-door neighbour.

I wait for less time if I'm in a terrible hurry myself.

Generally, I think it's one of those small things that make life better.
Seriously.
You hold the door, the person says "thank you", you say "you're welcome", both of you smile, mood goes up.
It doesn't cure a fatal disease, it doesn't stop poverty, but it simply makes your day a little happier.

 

[borrofburi]

I usually let the door close if I expect it to finish closing before the other guy gets there (assuming a reasonably slow closing door). If the door won't be closed by then, I usually at least make sure to bump the door so it's still open when they get there.

 

[RestrictedAccess]

It always depends on the situation. I'll go out of my way to open a door and hold it for anyone who's crippled. This usually ends up being old people with walkers and canes. I will also do it for women pushing their kids in a stroller, or anyone carrying something who might have trouble opening the door.

Other than that, if you're within 5 feet of me, I'll keep the door open for you as I walk inside, regardless of age or gender.

Holding the door doesn't necessarily mean you're moral. It just means you're being polite at that time.

 

[Giliell]

I usually let the door close if I expect it to finish closing before the other guy gets there (assuming a reasonably slow closing door). If the door won't be closed by then, I usually at least make sure to bump the door so it's still open when they get there.

Sorry, I'm not sure I get you right but:
You'll give it an extra push to stay open if you believe that it would stay open anyways but don't do a thing if it would close before the other one gets there and giving it a push really would change matters?
Doesn't sound logical to me, so I think I got you wrong there

 

[nasher168]

If the person is close enough to get to the door, then I'll hold it for them. Otherwise, I'll give it an extra shove so that it'll be a little bit open for them when they get to it. I rarely actually hold it open and let them through in front of me, unless they're carrying or pushing something.

 

[borrofburi]

I usually let the door close if I expect it to finish closing before the other guy gets there (assuming a reasonably slow closing door). If the door won't be closed by then, I usually at least make sure to bump the door so it's still open when they get there.

Sorry, I'm not sure I get you right but:
You'll give it an extra push to stay open if you believe that it would stay open anyways but don't do a thing if it would close before the other one gets there and giving it a push really would change matters?
Doesn't sound logical to me, so I think I got you wrong there

Ah, it's a question of being completely closed or not. If I think the door will be 50% closed by the time they get to it, I delay a little bit and give it that push to stay fully open a little longer, so that they get to it and don't have to open the door all the way (just keep it open) (holy run-on batman!).

I dunno, it's actually a lot less simple than that, but this is an ok approximation I guess.

 

[garytheagnostic]

Wow, you guys struck a nerve on this topic. Not so much in real life, but in vocational life. In regular everyday life I hold the door for everyone, even if it is an inconvenience for me. Elderly, handicapped, full grown men, etc...
However, my beef is with other people that have the gall to shut the door in your face on purpose. When I was doing cable installation, I encountered this frequently. I had a key to get into every building downtown so one would think it is no big deal. Problem being, you had to park two blocks away and had both arms full of crap so you wouldn't have to make a return trip back to the truck. On approach to the entrance, some jackass has the gall to push you aside, slam the door in your face, then stand behind the glass and state "Can I help you?" You then continue to explain to them every detail (most of which is none of their business) just for them to tell you to leave. You then proceed to set down the 40 pounds worth of crap and use the key to gain entry while using your foot to hold the door while re situating the crap that was good to go in the first place. Then you get to watch them scurry onto the elevator and start hitting the close door button so you can't get on. I didn't ask to be here, I'm doing a service for others and people have the audacity to behave in such a manner. Are people really that insecure, or do they just pretend to be upper class?

 

[Durakken]

They give you a key to all building downtown to do cable wiring... wow...


Anyways... They thing that that got me really thinking about this is that that day I had been sitting in the lobby of my college watching people go in and out... a woman was coming in with hands full while at the same time a group of i think 4 went out a couple through one and the last through the door the woman was coming in from...and girl going out opened the door went through, nearly hitting the woman and then didn't even hold the door for her... I thought it was pretty bad form.

A few weeks before this I was going into a building for a class and opened and went through a door, not thinking the person coming towards me was going in the same building...i looked back and saw she was and I felt bad as i clearly saw her and there was a stutter to my step where a brief second i didn't know whether i should have went back or continue on...either way would have made e look like a putz in my opinion, but i decided it would be less offensive if i would keep going to the next door that i kindly held open for her. (there are like 3 sets of doors, one coming into the building, one to the stairwell, and one back out into the hall)


I think it's so interesting because it is a very simple action and whether you do it or not doesn't matter for the most part, but there are so many factors that decide whether one does or doesn't hold a door. It's like a massive drama series.

 

[garytheagnostic]

They give you a key to all building downtown to do cable wiring... wow...

We didn't get a key that fit all the buildings. We got a key to a lockbocx that had the specific key to that building. Same type of lockbox a Realtor would use. Besides, it's easy enough to get into any building anyway, with or without a key. It's just a false sense of security.

 

[Nashy19]

I usually let the door close if I expect it to finish closing before the other guy gets there (assuming a reasonably slow closing door). If the door won't be closed by then, I usually at least make sure to bump the door so it's still open when they get there.

Sorry, I'm not sure I get you right but:
You'll give it an extra push to stay open if you believe that it would stay open anyways but don't do a thing if it would close before the other one gets there and giving it a push really would change matters?
Doesn't sound logical to me, so I think I got you wrong there

I do the same thing (sort of). If there are people behind I'll give it a bump with my elbow, that way it stays open long enough for them to get to it and they don't walk into it as it slams. If the persons so far down the corridor that it would be shut by the time they get to it I wont wait for them.

I suppose it depends in the type of door, these one's can be held open with a little nudge of it's half way shut, takes a push if it's fully shut and speed up just before fully shutting. So if the first person of a group can get to the door half way it'll stay open for everyone, if it shuts they all have to pause and if it's nearly shut it might hit someone in the face.

Somewhere in my head I have all this analysed.

 

[blinddesign]

I just bestow a straightfoward law, that the fellow following should be within shutting farness of the door. It's not fair to let a door be half shut on the chap, though it's not fair if you have to wait unneedfully.

 

[Jotto999]

I live in a part of Ontario, Canada that is composed of two tiny towns and a few little hamlets. Here if you walk through a door behind someone, 99% of the time they will at least use their hand to prop the door an extra second to make sure you can get in. Some will stand aside holding the door fully open for you so that you don`t even have to touch the door to get through, letting you go first. But in general, everyone will at least push the door open longer than what would have been necessary if it was only them going through. Not only do people hold the door open, but the person behind often says "Thanks", and the door-holder often says "You're welcome!", and they both smile at each other for a second, then continue about their day.

I described the setting because I think it is relevant. Around here, if someone seems rude, people will remember you as such and in a small community where people know each other more than in a large city, that`s undesirable. It`s a small enough town where I recognize people all the time, even if I don`t know them personally. This is also a place where pedestrians just walk plain as day through the road, even if there is traffic. People cut through things and wander through all the time, and the drivers let them, not because no one is paying attention but because everyone's good with it.

There is an incredible feeling of safety, easygoing and politeness that I know for a fact would get people killed in any larger city, or in most other places. It's your typical cheery little town where people wave, eye contact is a sign of connectedness rather than hostility, serious crime hardly exists (even the word "hardly" implies too much), and we're just a cozy bunch. Frankly I love it, little towns like this are my absolute favourite.

 

[FCAAP_Dan]

I hold doors open for everyone, but I'll wait for a lady.



What I don't understand is why 90% of people put their hand up to protect themselves in case the door closes. Do they think this is a trick? Do they not trust me? Am I going to slam it on their face as they're halfway through?

 

[JRChadwick]

I will if I get there first. I find that since I walk with the aid of a cane, people are more prone to hold open doors for me. I am a firm believer in chivalry and will hold a door for a lady, but I find that the opposite happens when I have my cane. Women and men alike tend to try to out pace me to get to a door first to hold it open for me. If I am holding the door open for others, often people will "take over" for me until the rest of the crowd has entered. I guess I am still ahead on the food chain of blind people and the elderly.

 

[borrofburi]

I will if I get there first. I find that since I walk with the aid of a cane, people are more prone to hold open doors for me. I am a firm believer in chivalry and will hold a door for a lady, but I find that the opposite happens when I have my cane. Women and men alike tend to try to out pace me to get to a door first to hold it open for me. If I am holding the door open for others, often people will "take over" for me until the rest of the crowd has entered. I guess I am still ahead on the food chain of blind people and the elderly.

You have to be careful there though because it seems you can easily fall prey to confirmation bias on that one...

 

[GuppyPal]

Very very few men have dropped a door on me. Many many women have. Not to make it a sexist argument or anything, just that that has been my experience. The majority of people (both men and women) hold the door though.

 

[JRChadwick]

I will if I get there first. I find that since I walk with the aid of a cane, people are more prone to hold open doors for me. I am a firm believer in chivalry and will hold a door for a lady, but I find that the opposite happens when I have my cane. Women and men alike tend to try to out pace me to get to a door first to hold it open for me. If I am holding the door open for others, often people will "take over" for me until the rest of the crowd has entered. I guess I am still ahead on the food chain of blind people and the elderly.

You have to be careful there though because it seems you can easily fall prey to confirmation bias on that one...

Which bias would I be confirming? One about women or one about disabled people?