Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fundies

[Memeticemetic]

I'm sure most of us have had some amusing real life show-downs with god botherers, let's share a few and spread the lulz around.

When I was 15 or so I was in the process of having my first sexual experience with a lovely, and brazen, young woman who was simply determined to have her way (both in general and with me). While I was ineptly attempting to facilitate this process, the doorbell rang and I, in my youth and nervousness threw on my jeans and answered the door. No, I have no idea why this seemed like the thing to do, I was a kid, get off my back. Well, much to my dismay and chagrin there stood a pair of earnest believers come to spread the good word and interfere with my girlfriends plans to spread... other things. I stood there like a stammering fool for several minutes before my girlfriend, bless her, came to my rescue. Clad only in my T-shirt she opened the door more fully and said, sweetly as could be, "Please excuse us, we're trying to have pre-marital sex", and politely dragged me back inside to make good her promise.

If we get some more good stories I humbly submit we should sticky this thread.

 

[obsidianavenger]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

ahahaha thats awesome.

i can't say anything that amusing ever happened to me. the worst i ever got was when some guy was trying to chat me up at a bar, and somehow religion came up. when he found out that i was an atheist, he started screaming at me that i was going to hell unless i accepted jesus into my life and other such things. my friend came out (also an atheist for the record) and saw what was happening, so she threw her arms around me and said, "this is my friend, and i love her, and i love jesus, and i am gonna teach her to love jesus too". and the guy was just kinda like ok... and she went on, "i love jesus so much he changed my life blah blah" etc. and the guy was like "dang, no wonder your friend is an atheist, you're cracked out on jesus!". and i never saw him again. thank god

 

[Andiferous]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

My high school graduation date tossed me off because he had a strange notion that I was a religious zealot. Religous studies was a required subject and I always excelled at it. We were in a Catholic school and I had likely been an atheist for at least six years by then, but didn't feel a need to advertise. Ultimately, I thought it was a bit funny.

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[Memeticemetic]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

Ah. I've been informed that my choice of words with 'tossed me off' may have been ambiguous, and potentially misleading, and I just want to clarify that I rather should have said "dumped me" for clarity. And that said, i hope you don't feel sorry for me given the subject matter because trust me, it is funny. I hope this helps.

:lol: I was wondering if you were going to notice that one. I didn't want to say anything so you wouldn't be tempted to edit it out. I'm all for salaciousness, whether it's intentional or otherwise.

 

[Andiferous]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I really did do this intentionally to cleverly illustrate a point for the other thread. :cry:

 

[)O( Hytegia )O(]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I have several - but will only share one story at a time.

Make it known that I grew up in Fundieville, Alabama just between Huntsville and Florence - smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt. Now, taken that into account, you must note that I have been a Pagan for a very, VERY long time. And I managed to fit in (for the most part) in my Baptist-stricken town for a grueling 17 years before finally (with encouragement of a friend. ) said "Fuck it. And Fuck you all. I'm Pagan. I'm a dirt-hugging tree worshiper, and I would be rather hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not."
(Best. Status. Update. EVER.)

So, this occoured in my 11th year of High School (a year before I graduated, for all of you Brits and the like) when I was in the coolest place ever - the Florence Alabama Renessance Fair.
Was it because of the swords? Maybe.
Was it the Witch shop that I could legitimately visit? Probably.
Was it the ability to Nostalgia and have imagination? Definately.

But this year, I encountered a new enemy - a Fundie by the name of Brother Micah.
X.x
I had seen Brother Micah trolling at UNA several times - but always he was met with some very heated opposition. But today he took the privledge of drawing the nearby Church crowd in and pointing at random people and calling them Satanists...
And then, he pointed to one of my closer friends...

You know the phrase, "Flash in the Pan?" It's used to describe how old Rifles and Guns would work. It would involve a stick of Flint hitting a fuse, going down to the Gunpowder... Ultimately causing the Powder to be touched off, and the bullet sent hurtling at greater than the speed of sound. "flash in the Pan" is the only real way to describe my reaction.

I DESTROYED him. He had a stand, and I grabbed a chair. We talked eye-to-eye, and I talked him back. It was a war of words, pitting the Bible against itself and the mind of a very educated, very VERY pissed teenager. I threw all of my knowledge at him like bricks at paper - making holes the size of fucking Jupiter in his reasoning. The two of us had drawn quite a crowd, and then he finally said "Well, young man, since you know so much - can you prove that God DOESN'T exist?"
I will always remember this part of the discussion.
"I can't prove that God doesn't exist like you can't prove that Allah doesn't Exist. Or Thor. Or any of the other 20,000 revered Gods around the world. I can't prove that there's not a Flying Spaghetti Monster just outside the visible universe, or I can't prove that an Invisible Pink Unicorn doesn't run around my front yard."
(Cue several college kids laughing and yuking it up at that last part).
He laughed and said that it was the silliest anser he'd ever heard. I looked at him and said:
"Just because you failed the 5th grade doesn't mean that everyone else did. I'm sure that at least half of these people here are Christian, but they would share the sentiment of walking by Faith, not by Sight."

That one struck a chord with him... Like, you could see it on his dumb face, that little whisp of a child about to be pelted in the face with a Dodge Ball.

"I'm not here to debate you," he said... After 20 or so minutes of back-and-forthing with me. :facepalm:
Then I told him:
"I'm not here to debate you either. I just came here to tell you to Fuck off, quit pointing at random people, and let everyone else enjoy their day."

And thus, the retreat of Brother Micah.
Funny, he had his little camera crew there to video him and everything... But when I checked his site, he never bothered to post that day. I don't think that there's any way he could have quote-mined getting that much.

This is one of those events where I realized how much I LOVED debating. It gave me a fucking headrush. I was as high as a kite when I got off that chair, kicked it over, and bowed to a half-stunned, half-ecstatic crowd of atleast 50 or so people. The entire ordeal was also that turning point in my life where I first told myself:
"Heh. I could do this every day. What am I so scared about?"

/nostalgia

 

[Andiferous]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

You guys are mean.

I didn't do this sort of thing often. However, we had mormon guest lecturers in religion class and I was feeling rather spunky for some strange reason. We started with a vanilla explanation of the faith and as soon as they mentioned the cursed people marked by dark skin, I put up my hand and really tried my best to be convincingly naive.

"Hold on! Does that mean that if I get a suntan I am cursed by god? That's scary!"

For somehow he believed my innocence and grinned at me slyly as were I an ignorant six year old. "You must remember to be sensible. Of course that is not the case. The idea is ridiculous."

The class laughed but I somehow managed to keep a straight face. My teacher gave me the evil eye.

I don't feel so bad about it, because he had no idea, I suppose.

 

[)O( Hytegia )O(]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I forgot - I had been watching a LOT of thunderf00t videos, and listening to a good bit of Dawkins...

And, in the spirit of the Renaissance Fair, I was using a heavy British accent the entire time. With a Top Hat. And Monocle. And cane.

u mad, brits?

 

[Memeticemetic]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

Hytegia, as awesome as that story was, it became so much awesomer with the addition of your accoutrement. Well done, I say!

 

[australopithecus]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I want a cane, top hat and a monocle

 

[Anachronous Rex]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I want a cane, top hat and a monocle

Sorry, you get a paperboy hat and excessive use of the word, "governa."

 

[)O( Hytegia )O(]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I want a cane, top hat and a monocle

Sorry, you get a paperboy hat and excessive use of the word, "guv' nah"

Fixed

 

[Anachronous Rex]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

Touché.

 

[australopithecus]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I'm proud to say that as a fully paid up British person, I have never called anyone guv'ner.

On topic:

A friend of my brothers once asked "Who came first; dinosaurs or Jesus". She wasn't happy with my reply of "Dinosaurs existed, so them". Also, during a discussion about Planet of the Apes I pointed out that technically it is anyway to which she replied "I don't believe in evolution". I laughed at her and went of to make a sandwich.

 

[ImprobableJoe]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I once dated/lived with a chick who turned into a fundie about 2/3 of the way through the relationship.

It wasn't funny or interesting for me, but I figure the rest of you could get a chuckle out of it. :facepalm:

 

[Prolescum]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I'm proud to say that as a fully paid up British person, I have never called anyone guv'ner.

As a Briton myself, I'd like to add that I have indeed called people guv'ner.

 

[televator]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I once dated/lived with a chick who turned into a fundie about 2/3 of the way through the relationship.

It wasn't funny or interesting for me, but I figure the rest of you could get a chuckle out of it. :facepalm:

How long was the relationship?

 

[ImprobableJoe]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

I once dated/lived with a chick who turned into a fundie about 2/3 of the way through the relationship.

It wasn't funny or interesting for me, but I figure the rest of you could get a chuckle out of it. :facepalm:

How long was the relationship?

I like to put it this way: it was the best year of my life up to that point... unfortunately, we were together almost 2 years.

 

[Squawk]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

Hmm

Well, when the JW's came knocking at my door the first time (oops, wrong house guys, srsly), there were two of them. One a nice young lady, at a guess early to mid 20's, really quite sweet. The other, an elderly lady, visitor to the area apparently, obviously very reserved. I chatted to them for about 20 mins or so.

Why funny? Well, I was wearing nought but a dressing gown, open at the chest and most definitely too short for me, no shower or shave and it was around 11am (off work that day). That old lady never once looked at me after I opened the door

 

[)O( Hytegia )O(]

Re: Funniest/most interesting Real Life encounters with fund

Well it seems that I have acquired the new mental imagery by some people of a top hat, Monocle, and an over-butchered British accent.
I'll get back to you once I've decided if this is a good thing or a bad one. :lol:


But I have several more accounts.
Since I live in Alabama, I have a firearm. I took careful thought into what I was buying, and purchased the most badass shotgun known to man - the SAIGA 12 K series - capable of taking down any deer easily, and the ability to (gods forbid) defend the rest of my family and their property in case of a burglary...

Notice how the entire Weapon is basically the configuration for an AK, but is designed and loaded for shotgun shells?

Well, disregarding my obvious Alabama gun-nuttery, imagine one fine day when I was working on this beauty when there is a knocking on the front door. Mom was at work. Dad was at work. I was home... "Sick" so I decided to open the door for the nice door knockers. I invited them in for some coffee, and we sat down (my mother raised me too well).
Now, imagine them talking while I'm halfheartedly listening to their blabbering, but I am also reassembling this monstrosity of a violent looking weapon from scratch parts. Right about the part where they asked me to accept Jesus into my heart was almost divine, because it was around the part where I had slapped the magazine in and was checking the sights and said:
"Thank you for the offer, but I'm good."
And I was pulling the trigger to check if everything sounded alright.

xD I had noticed the uncomfortable and terrified look on their faces - but I had no clue that it was me at the time. They looked relieved to get out.

Edit:
Squawk is a woman?
I love the internet. It can make even our greatest mind-projected voices flip in a second. I always pictured Squawk as the parrot with a brisk and medium bro-like voice.