This is a bit of a rant, but I think there's a real point to be made.
Basically, I'm probably not the only one who's fed up with people I got to know ages (10+ years) ago still treating me like I didn't change in that time. Especially good friends.
Take the following situation: At some point in the past, you (that is to say, I) were an asshole. You bullied people, you were homophobic, racist and xenophobic. Yes, that was me in my youth. (Well, it was all a big joke for me, I wasn't really any of that, but I made racist/homophobic/etc. jokes, which is equally bad.) You hung out with people who shared your sense of "humour", naturally, and were really good friends with them.
Now, a decade later, you're none of that. (Or at least, you hope you're not.) You're certainly not a racist/homophobe/etc. and you don't make jokes about it, either. You've grown serious, perhaps slightly boring even, but you're out of that stupid phase. However, now you've got a problem: You stayed in touch with those people and it seems, though it might not be true, that they haven't really changed. They still have the same kind of humour and, if you're perfectly honest, they're still the asshole you tried to grow out of. (Problem is, you're now an asshole for calling them an asshole... whatever.) While you're hanging out with those people, you try to show them that you've changed, you try to tell them that their jokes are not funny.
At the end of the hanging-out session, you exchange information (because you're polite, you give your correct phone number) and one of them says: "Hey man, stay just the way you are, you always were a rad dude."
That's the worst thing someone can tell you because damn it, you have changed, for better or for worse. Heck, it'd certainly be sad if you hadn't changed since you were fourteen. However, you don't want to tell them to "fuck off" because you're slightly Canadian (racist, I'm an arsehole...) so you try to ignore them, but then your guilt kicks in and you write back. You don't want to meet them again but fuck it, you don't want to tell them to their faces that the time of friendship is over. Gah, it hurts...
Rant over. Now comes the idea and I'm sure I've heard it somewhere else, it's certainly not my idea, but I can't find it anywhere.
The idea is the following: Every 5-10 years, both of you get a little form which asks if you want to continue your friendship. A friendship agreement, if you will. If both of you tick "yes" or both tick "no", everything's fine. If one ticks "yes" and one ticks "no", the friendship is also terminated because one of the two don't want to stay in touch.
I'm sure life would be a lot easier that way. Also, it's been slightly over five years since I joined LoR, so most of you people are up for review pretty soon...
Basically, I'm probably not the only one who's fed up with people I got to know ages (10+ years) ago still treating me like I didn't change in that time. Especially good friends.
Take the following situation: At some point in the past, you (that is to say, I) were an asshole. You bullied people, you were homophobic, racist and xenophobic. Yes, that was me in my youth. (Well, it was all a big joke for me, I wasn't really any of that, but I made racist/homophobic/etc. jokes, which is equally bad.) You hung out with people who shared your sense of "humour", naturally, and were really good friends with them.
Now, a decade later, you're none of that. (Or at least, you hope you're not.) You're certainly not a racist/homophobe/etc. and you don't make jokes about it, either. You've grown serious, perhaps slightly boring even, but you're out of that stupid phase. However, now you've got a problem: You stayed in touch with those people and it seems, though it might not be true, that they haven't really changed. They still have the same kind of humour and, if you're perfectly honest, they're still the asshole you tried to grow out of. (Problem is, you're now an asshole for calling them an asshole... whatever.) While you're hanging out with those people, you try to show them that you've changed, you try to tell them that their jokes are not funny.
At the end of the hanging-out session, you exchange information (because you're polite, you give your correct phone number) and one of them says: "Hey man, stay just the way you are, you always were a rad dude."
That's the worst thing someone can tell you because damn it, you have changed, for better or for worse. Heck, it'd certainly be sad if you hadn't changed since you were fourteen. However, you don't want to tell them to "fuck off" because you're slightly Canadian (racist, I'm an arsehole...) so you try to ignore them, but then your guilt kicks in and you write back. You don't want to meet them again but fuck it, you don't want to tell them to their faces that the time of friendship is over. Gah, it hurts...
Rant over. Now comes the idea and I'm sure I've heard it somewhere else, it's certainly not my idea, but I can't find it anywhere.
The idea is the following: Every 5-10 years, both of you get a little form which asks if you want to continue your friendship. A friendship agreement, if you will. If both of you tick "yes" or both tick "no", everything's fine. If one ticks "yes" and one ticks "no", the friendship is also terminated because one of the two don't want to stay in touch.
I'm sure life would be a lot easier that way. Also, it's been slightly over five years since I joined LoR, so most of you people are up for review pretty soon...
