Christening Alternatives

[CosmicSpork]

I'm not quite sure if this I'm putting this in the right place (you'd think I would know really).

Anyway, my wife and I went to a christening over the weekend. We've been to a couple recently... we go because we're either related to the person, or are good friends with them and want to respect the fact that they want us to be there. I don't do any of the singing or prayers and I don't pretend to either, I go with the attitude that if anyone pulls me up on it, it's them who are being disrespectful by causing a scene and I would tell them as much. My wife is now our friends daughters god-mother (my wife was christened as a child, I was not and have no intention to be).

Anyway, afterwards my wife got into a discussion about what we would do when we have kids. My wife isn't adverse to the idea of a christening, but she appears to only like the idea because it links our friends to us in more of a way than just simply being friends with them, it shows that we trust, respect and love them enough to know that they would be capable of looking after our offspring if anything happened to us. I think it says a lot about what we think of those friends that we choose to take on that responsibility. Of course, I don't want my kids christened for what I would think are obvious reasons. I do however want our friends linked to us in a similar fashion but without any of the religious mumbo jumbo. The bit that really got to me in the christening was when the priest is doing the sign of the cross with oil on the kids heads... he says "Jesus Christ claims you for his own, receive the sign of Christ" (or similar)... nobody is claiming my fricking kids, except me, certainly not a 2000 year old dead jew on a stick.

So my question is, what alternatives are there? I have heard of 'naming' ceremonies, and actually having people sign a contract, but that doesn't seem quite personal enough if you see what I mean. I'd appreciate hearing from any parents who have considered the idea or have done something that could be a good alternative. I know to some of you this might seem a silly thing for me to bring up but I'm interested to know how people feel about it and what they would do instead of a religion based event.

 

[nasher168]

I think the British Humanist Association does secular ceremonies... I'm not sure what they're like though having only been to religious versions.

 

[Aught3]

Ooooh Nasher got modded!

Naming ceremonies are the secular alternative, they can be as fancy as you want them to be.

 

[simonecuttlefish]

Maybe you could have an 'Introduction Ceremony' type thing. Humans love ceremonies so invent one, and put rules in it as people love being told what to do at ceremonies, sadly.

1) Pick a location, perhaps your house, or somewhere convenient but nice, like a local park.
2) Send out invites. Feel free to specify presents. Either no presents, cards only, or disposable diapers are nice practical options.
3) Punch and Pie (people like eating), and music.
4) At some point, when everyone is having a good time interrupt them (it's important to stop people enjoying themselves so they feel they are sacrificing something for the all powerful 'ceremony''.
5) Now it's speech time.

i) You and your partner take it in turns to hold the baby, and publicly declare what you will do to best nurture the child as individuals. Refer to the baby as "This Child" for now.

ii) You will then both hold the child and make a SHORT statement in unison, something about your long term influences on the child (hopefully something nice like being committed to allowing the baby to develop to it's OWN full potential and your acceptance of that - put crib notes on the floor or something so you don't look like dummies and forget it : ) You should open this statement by stating the babies name in full.

iii) Ask everyone to stand in a circle and then walk the baby around to each person for a personal "hello baby" moment. Put some nice music on quietly for this. (This makes people wait patiently - more sacrifice - more ritualised inconvenience - more ceremony importance points and more group 'event' points).

iv) Then announce more pie an punch time and put something boppy on as music and have fun.

YAYYY! Instant silly ceremony that's actually quite nice and doesn't involve crucifying the baby to a guilt tripping dead ghost.

How does that sound?

 

[OneKlicKill]

This is really an exhilarating idea. For me as i have grown up my, and my sisters, "god parents" have played major roles in life.
As i do not plan to endorse religion in my future family (far away as it is i always like to look forward and imagine) but i quite like the idea that simoncuttlefish proposed. Although when all gather around you bring forward your best friend (or whomever you chose) and ask them if something were to happen to you or your wife, or if the child ever asked for help would they be there for the child as a second father/mother for them. Would they treat them as their own child. Something along that extent.

 

[FaithlessThinker]

I'm with simonecuttlefish. Or if you have any Indian friends, you can go strange and silly doing a hindu naming ceremony. But only for the kicks and not to believe in five legged six armed gods.

Basically just do whatever you find yourself comfortable doing. It doesn't have to be a formal "ceremony" even. You can just have a party and announce your selected baby name in midst of it. Atheism sets you free of traditions and ceremonies. You have the freedom to choose. You have the freedom to enjoy.

 

[CosmicSpork]

Thanks for the insight peeps

It certainly gives me something to think about

 

[australopithecus]

nobody is claiming my fricking kids, except me, certainly not a 2000 year old dead jew on a stick.

This just made my day.

 

[ImprobableJoe]

I don't think this is silly at all... if you go for a non-traditional ceremony, you need to make it HUGE! Hire a couple of photographers, pass out disposable cameras for everyone. Make it as big as you can, so that it is as significant as the traditional ceremony. That should help forge the bonds that you want.

 

[Lallapalalable]

Im with everyone else here. Host a fancy to-do, make everyone feel involved, but leave out the oil and the zombies.

 

[Andiferous]

Friends of mine invited an ordained reverend from the church of the subgenius to perform a 'dedication' ceremony for their little girl. It was a ritualistic type event, and guests were encouraged to give meaningful gifts or none at all. Fun and interesting.

 

[Giliell]

My parents obviously held a secular ceremony called "naming" for me.
Haven't managed to hold one for my kids, since our lives are busy enough.
But yes, go to a humanist association and they'll tell you. There's also a ceremony for teens to mark their progress from childhood to adulthood and that's really cool (my parents paid for the party and I got all the presents :lol: )
BTW, hate the English word "godfather/mother" The German Pate is much more neutral. I always feel uncomfy using the English word because it somehow seems to assume that any god were involved with my kids or that I had made a religious pledge regarding my "god"son.

 

[Doc.]

Anyway, afterwards my wife got into a discussion about what we would do when we have kids. My wife isn't adverse to the idea of a christening, but she appears to only like the idea because it links our friends to us in more of a way than just simply being friends with them, it shows that we trust, respect and love them enough to know that they would be capable of looking after our offspring if anything happened to us. I think it says a lot about what we think of those friends that we choose to take on that responsibility.

I feel the same. It's more like a tradition than an actual Christian thing. Often, after people found out about my indifference towards their God, many have asked if I have been christened. after getting positive response they seemed to calm down or something... for whatever reason. It kind of weakened the stigma. but the main reason of course is linkage to friends, couple of oil crosses won't kill the child.

 

[Giliell]

couple of oil crosses won't kill the child.

No, but they involuntarily sign the kid up for an association. In Germany that even means you have to pay special taxes and go to the court in order to sign the withdrawel.
My kids have all 4 godparents. Especially for those who are not part of our "blood-related" family it means that we wanted to express that they indeed are part of our family and that we want them to play a part in the kids' lives.

The traditional christening cunningly mixes up a secular part and a religious one. The godparents part is for purely secular reasons (although they dress it up with vowing that you'd bring the kid up in the christian faith and such). In olden times it made sure that there would be somebody caring for the kids if they became orphans.
The christening itself is the religious part that (and that is really sickening in some faithes) makes sure the kid is a member of the right church and won't go to hell it they die

 

[Yfelsung]

I was never baptised or christened and, as a life long atheist, it is a matter of great pride for me.

Give your child that same chance to be proudly untouched by the hand of religion, even if it was in a secular fashion.

If anything, simply have a celebration of new life. Choose one of your family or friends as the actual legal guardian of your child should you die and make an event out of the signing/agreement to such a position.

 

[Giliell]

I was never baptised or christened and, as a life long atheist, it is a matter of great pride for me.

Give your child that same chance to be proudly untouched by the hand of religion, even if it was in a secular fashion.

Neither was I, but that's nothing to be proud of, since it's nothing I did. I can take as little pride in that as I can in being white, or German, or female.
I'm glad I come from a long line of atheists, spared me to get rid of religion, no idea if I had managed to make it. So I think that a former theist would be much more entitled to some pride.

 

[Yfelsung]

I take pride in many things I don't have control over. My intelligence, my physical strength, the triumphs of my ancestors before me.

There's nothing wrong with pride.

 

[BruiseViolet]

I take pride in many things I don't have control over. My intelligence, my physical strength, the triumphs of my ancestors before me.

There's nothing wrong with pride.

I would say that physical strength and intelligence are two of the things that we DO have control over, it is fairly straightforward to increase both with a little effort!

I don't agree with christening your children. Firstly for the plain reason that indoctrinating your children into a religion that they cannot possibly know anything about is (imho) just plain wrong. My mum is a christian (dosen't go to church though) and decided to not get me and my sister dunked in le font. I will always be grateful to her for that. Secondly I completely disagree with getting your sprogs christened as a "thing that you just do" in order to have the kid introduced to friends and family. Naming ceremonies are the way forwards if you feel the need to have ritual in such matters. I very politely refused to go to a christening recently on these grounds. The couple involved are not religious in anything except the very loosest terms and I have a real problem with that. At least if you ARE religious you are doing it from some sort of conviction you hold (if however misguided that is). How hypocritical and dishonest to the child AND the church is it to do it just in order to have a party and have people coo over your new addition to the overpopulation of the groaning planet?

If you want to have a party for the kid, go ahead, make it personal and special!

Just make sure you have a decent buffet. Let's face it, life can be measured by the quality of the buffets you have consumed

oh and *waves* hi everyone......me am noo0b!!

 

[Independent Vision]

I have seen a trend in having "welcoming" ceremonies or "naming" ceremonies that welcome the child into the family, so to speak.

Some people have the grandparent of the child, or another "elder" of the family act as the conductor of the ceremony. It is a chance for the friends and family to help welcome the child into the family.

People read poems, give meaningful gifts, and there is a ceremony welcoming the child into the family, into the community and into life.
There's usually food, cakes and toasts in honor of the newest arrival as well.

There are plenty of ways to conduct these ceremonies or parties without any religious elements at all, and you do not even have to have an elder of the family as the conductor of the ceremony. You can have a friend do it, a cousin of the child... whoever you see fit to chose.

I feel the same way about this as I do about weddings, do whatever works for you and your partner.