atheism and relationships

[GuppyPal]

I'm a decent looking guy, not hollywood model material but probably 7-8/10. I run a LOT and eat well. I'm in very good physical shape. I'm laid back and easy going. I love to make people laugh and seem to be relatively good at it. I work for my money and am dedicated to my studies. I'm friendly, talk to a lot of people, have many friends who are girls, have had many girls with mutual interest etc. However, no girl wants much to do with me once they find out I don't believe in their god of choice (Yahweh so far). I don't bring up religion (or politics etc); they do. Things will be going really well until about the third long conversation when they start talking about religion. I guess I could just lie, but I always try to be honest about things even if I know it may hurt me. I've come to the realization I have almost zero chance of meeting a cool atheist (or tolerant/open-minded) chick, at least in or around my current location. Fifteen percent of the US is atheist, I'll guess roughly have of those are women, a small percentage of those are my age, and a small percentage of those are girls I'd actually want to be with. It's hopeless. Not that I really care a lot about that part of my life (school and running are my main focuses right now), but it'd be nice. It seems like I am doomed to a single life until I finally decide to go the online route ten years from now when I'm lonely and still single.

Anyone else have this problem?

 

[Aught3]

When you go to uni try to make sure it is in a different state/country. Hate to say it but this is not a big problem in the rest of the civilised world.

 

[xman]

Start hanging around sceptics and rational people. Join clubs about inquiry or science. Here we have "Skeptics in the Pub" once a month for example. Smart is sexy so once you meet someone, the sparks will fly. I think chicks in lab coats are HOT!

 

[MRaverz]

I'm going to answer this without assuming that religious views is the issue, as this may have been an aspect you're not looking into enough.

From what I get out of your description of yourself, you seem pretty average and in this world: average = boring. If you want to be approached, you need to stand out a bit.

However, I'm not saying that you need to change - after all eventually someone will come along. Personally, I'm a pretty average guy and I never went looking for my girlfriend, it all just happened and to be honest, I'm pretty sure that if it hadn't have happened as relatively quickly as it did - we'd have ended up as 'just friends'.

I hope this was at least slightly helpful.

 

[borrofburi]

You seem to have an irrational hatred of meeting someone through the internet...

 

[CVBrassil]

If you truly believe that the problem is your religious beliefs, stay vague on them. I would never openly state I am an atheist unless I know my friend/girlfriend is herself an atheist, or at least tolerant. But I wouldn't want to lie, that wouldn't be fair in my mind to the girl in question, so I would find a middle point. "Do you believe in God?" "Well, I'm not much of a religious person" something like that. Keep it vague, bend the truth a bit but don't lie blatantly.

Girls in the south of good ol' Amerika are more likely to be bible-thumpers, and in the North there will be some devout Christians, but most of the Christians are the type who couldn't care less, just say they believe in God, don't go to church, thinks like that. Thats from my experience, a few people I know are weekly church going Christians, but most I know, when asked about religion, will say "God? yeah, sure."

 

[Giliell]

It's funny how big that issue seems to be in the States.
I've never been discrete about my non-religious or political views.
People here care very little about it.
My hubbie was a Lutheran Protestant (he gave up because of the taxes :lol: ) and now is something I'd call "comfy-zone spiritualist".
He needs the belief in "something out there"
Don't ask me what that should be

 

[GuppyPal]

Eh, you guys can make your assumptions. I had far less trouble with women in jr. high and hs when I was Christian and when girls were less concerned with finding a long-term partner. I could hook up with girls at parties and/or bars if I wanted, but that isn't really my thing.

I've had two girls stop talking to me completely once they found out I was atheist. haha, I couldn't believe it. I don't go into great detail about it either. I just say, "Well, I come from a religious family and was religious myself for about 15 years. Once I seriously looked into it, I realized it wasn't for me" or something along those lines. It's happened about 4 times over the last 2 years. One girl was actually really cool and down with the whole secular thing, but she had a boyfriend (which I knew nothing about until it was too late), so nothing there.

You Europeans may be surprised how important this issue is in America, but it's important even to me as a non-believer. I would never exclude believers from my selection of women, but religion often comes with a LOT of baggage, pretty much all of which bothers me. Homophobia, racism, xenophobia, anti-science, anti-intellectualism, and pretty much just ignorance in general often accompany religion here. As a scientist in training and an advocate of equal rights, I have a problem with these things.

 

[borrofburi]

I do sort of have to agree, it is pretty impressive how quickly and how thoroughly someone will reject your company simply because you're not religious.

 

[nemesiss]

hmm, if this really is a big issue to you... the only thing i can say is that it seems you are looking too hard.
love isn't something you can you buy at walmart, its something that, happens.
oh... and for the record: sex isn't love!

just be always open for relationships, and love will find a way... just like life.
if you want to increase the odds of finding someone, go to social events.
preferbly something that interests you alot, this will smoothen the spark since you got a connection with that person, something to talk about.

as for the girls you talked to and thought you were an ok guy, keep talking to them.
and that girl who has a boyfriend, dont mind that. just make sure that all three of you understand that you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex without leading to sex.
That may seem weird, but its normal in an adult lifestyle.

If by chance those girls can introduce you to other friends, with similar points of views compaired to you and perhaps from that you will find someone.

 

[JacobEvans]

Atheism has only opened new doors for me, you just have to know how to sell it.

 

[drogoscg1]

:lol: I've got it worse than the lot of you. I'm asexual and will never have any relationship whatsoever. Waa! Can't get a date?? Who cares. lol!t

 

[jrparri]

hmm, if this really is a big issue to you... the only thing i can say is that it seems you are looking too hard.
love isn't something you can you buy at walmart, its something that, happens.

Quoted for truth.

I wasn't looking at all - when I met a crazy lady with great big hair (a rockin body) and a passion for debate. We started arguing and haven't stopped since. Seriously, she can defend any side -- and she will switch when you start to agree with her, just to keep it going. It's infuriating! And cute, and infuriating, and hilarious. Did I mention it's infuriating?

So naturally, I married her.

She is not an atheist. She knew from the beginning that I'm "not religious" - but it took some time to explain to her what rationalism is.. and then I eased her into the ~A~ word. After a while (years) she admitted to being apatheistic where God is concerned, but she will always love church... it's a big part of who she is.

It's good to find people who share common interests and opinions, but you don't have to agree on everything (religion included).

 

[ImprobableJoe]

That's just weird...

After a nasty break-up with a cheating whore who was ALSO a Pentecostal Christian back in 2000, and some strange dating stuff in 2001, I decided I was going to stop dating theists entirely, and stop looking so hard for dates. 2002 was a complete dry spell, then 2003-2004 was a ridiculously busy time, I had a date for at least 2 nights a week most weeks, and I wound up meeting 15-20 different chicks. I married the best of the bunch, and convinced her that she was an atheist. :lol:

 

[TERRIBLEHONDO]

If you live in the South with a Baptist Church every mile I can see where you might have some problems. I have been married for 25 years to a girl who was a good Catholic. I told her she could raise the kids how ever she wanted just do not impose it on me. My wife would jokingly call me a Pagan (maybe she was not joking) but I have a 20 and 16 year old who are free thinkers. Also my wife has shifted towards my side quite a bit not all the way but from where she started pretty far now she refers to herself as a Pagan. Many people are looking for someone with the same religious beliefs as they have. There is nothing anybody can do about that. All I can say is the Ying and Yang thing worked for us. So just keep going to bat you never know when you are going to get a hit. Oh yeah I just heard on a radio show that on these dating web sites being an Atheist has been a plus rather than a minus. So good luck!

 

[fuerve]

I'm not sure how old you are but I get the impression that you're pretty young, say, early twenties? I only bring it up as a talking point because it's been my experience that belief or lack thereof becomes less of a divisive issue between lovers and partners as people get older.

I'm an atheist and my wife is a lapsed Catholic who retains her belief in god. Had we been younger when we met, this might have caused enough friction between us to prevent us from becoming a couple, but as it turns out, as you grow older with somebody, you begin to realize that what's important is not the looks, not the sex, not the fancy dinners and big engagement rings and all the other trappings. What's important in a lifelong relationship is good, stimulating conversation. The subject of belief or lack thereof is a point of intellectual tension between my wife and I - the good kind of tension, where we both engage each other and develop our respective points of view through dialog. It's really very healthy.

When dealing with this kind of stuff, just try to think in the long term and find a partner who does the same. Both of you should realize that when you're old and gray, your bodies are failing, your kids are all grown and have kids of their own and the whole world has advanced around you so much that it's barely recognizable, the important thing is to love each other and enjoy each others' company. A relationship where both partners are exactly alike is like sitting in a sensory depravation tank for the rest of your life.

 

[Nogre]

Finding someone who isn't devout can be hard, but that hasn't been a problem for me. The difficulty has been finding other guys to date in the middle of Utah. :? But I figure that when I actually do start finding dates, religion likely won't be a problem. :lol:

 

[jrparri]

Finding someone who isn't devout can be hard, but that hasn't been a problem for me. The difficulty has been finding other guys to date in the middle of Utah. :?

Heh.. good luck, that'd be like finding water on the moon.

....

Have you tried dropping a spaceship on your town?