A day in the life of a closet-atheist.

[codarob94]

My parents are hypocrites. Let me just start by saying that. Well, they are! They do not understand the concept of practicing what you preach. They act like they want to do more for their congregation, yet they barely go out in field service (knocking on doors). They ramble on and on and ON every SINGLE DAY about how we have to love jehovah and trust him, because he will make this world a paradise. How satan is trying to bring us down and trying to kill us and make us turn away from jehovah. They are utterly oblivious to everything that goes on.

You know what my father said to me today? We were watching the news when a news report on an earthquake in california killed three people. This was today. My father looked at me and said "Matthew 24-7" which says; For nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be food shortages and earthquakes in one place after another.

I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rip him apart. He has no problem reminding us how close this system is to the end, but when it comes to doing what the society tells him, he is ignorant. My parents lock us away from being normal teenagers because they think that someone will make this earth perfect if we follow said person and do what his word says, which BY THE WAY tells us that woman should keep their mouth's shut, the earth is flat, the earth is the center of the universe, humans are dust and that we are all evil unless we follow his law. See where im going with this?

But thats not the best part. Oh boy its not. My father, who i would like to think besides on the topic of science in general, is a very smart person. But when he starts to try and tackle a simple question that i asked him, which is "why do scientists keep finding transistory fossils" I lose all respect for him in every way possible. His responses are as follows; Satan is causing them to fake the fossils, they are fakes, evolution is false, im taking you out of the ministry, you are grounded and i will make your life hell if you dont get on board with this.

But heres the thing guys, i love my parents. I do. They have made my life hell, but they do care for me. I have never lacked what i needed. And they are in pain. They want this religion to be true so badly. They want to be perfect and they want to live forever, and i dont know how to explain to them that something they NEED so badly is false. It would break them. They would have no reason to live in their minds. I cant do that to them. I just cant.

I have reached a conclusion in life. I know for a fact that this religon is a fabrication, but they dont. And i dont want them to. I want them to die happy with the thought that they will never feel pain again. But i also think they are brainwashed. They have been trained to think in a way that causes them to block EVERY single piece of information that even BEGINS to refute any doctrine they have learned. And i cant live with myself knowing what i do and still having to attend this bullshit.

I have come to a crossroads where i have to make a decision and make it fast. And at the end of my month of blogging that decision will be made. I need you guys to help me make it. This will start the blog. I will write two blogs each monday and friday for a month in this thread. If anyone cares enough to help me through this i will continue with this. I need your guyses support. Please help me here. I know this was a little freeform but i will straighten it up for fridays entry. Got to sleep now, hope you guys read this.

 

[codarob94]

Ok so ive decided to write my fridays entry today considering so many of you have questions. First off let me explain somethings right off the bat. I am 16, my parents were converted after they married thanks to my grandparents, They are ACTING as if they are becoming more zealous but their service time is lacking and they dont push studying anymore, but they act as if they want to do everything possible for the congregation. It really makes me sick to think of how they are going about this.

The sad part is, my parents wont even make it into this paradise earth even if it WAS true. Thats how contradictory they are and it makes me furious when i think about it. I just wish they could realize what they are doing is so against what they are trying to do.

Ive been watching the science channel latley, and my father has been on the couch watching it also, and whenever a commercial comes on about evolution or even the thing where the guy was able to create a copy of a gene from information from another gene, i cant help but wonder what hes thinking. But the thing is, he cant help but sit their and ramble on about how satan is using this lie about evolution to "stumble" us and make us lose sight of the "prize".

I wish i could get inside their brains and understand why they whole-heartedly cling to this religion as if its a life preserver. But then i realize its because they need it so badly like i stated before. I dont think they could handle the thought of their just being nothing. I dont mean nothing but you guys know what i mean.

and the thing is, i bottle up my emotions, and they well up inside me until i get the urge to say something, and then i stop and tell myself its not worth the consequences. I wish i could explain how bad it would be for me to blow my load, so to speak, about this, but all i can say is that if i killed my camo now, i would be either kicked out of the house or lose the respect of my whole family, the congregation, and i would have to endure tens of hundreds of lectures on how satan has over taken my heart and turned me form jehovah.

My plan and goal, at this point, is to chisel away at my parents, ultimatley dropping the bomb at its appointed time, when im of legal age, but if things get rough in the mean time i will have to release it early. If i can get them to slowly realize the reality of this world, then i might just save them in time for us to live happily without the stress of constantly having to please a very unprobable god.

If i cant save them, they will die happy, but in vein. I dont care which way it happens at this point. They die happy, or they die cold and alone, but with the stark truth of what is real and what isnt.

My main purpose for writing this month long blog is to let you guys know, because at this point you are my online family, how the organization works, how it affects its members and how it tears familys apart.

I can at this point, provide you with ANY information you need. I just need you to respond and read. Thats all im asking at this point.

thanks for reading, ill be posting again monday. Stay tuned.

 

[JustBusiness17]

Can you double space your paragraphs

Edit: Thank you

 

[MRaverz]

Having not been in this situation myself and having limited contacts with JoHoes I don't know how much I can help.

But it does seem that they hold the view that if the world didn't have a god who was going to make it all perfect, it would just be crap. Therefore, you simply need to open their eyes to the marvel of humanity in the form of discovery and invention. Marvel at the world of the sciences, history and maybe even the other religions of the world.

If you want to open their eyes, you need to encourage them to stop hiding away from the world. You don't do this by pulling them out of their shell, you do it by reassuring them that there's nothing to be afraid of. I fear that they may also see the words 'perfect' and 'god' as synonymous - rectify this by referring to human achievements as 'beautiful' or 'amazing' and they should eventually start to agree. Be happy and smile when you talk about something in the natural world and make sure that you don't leave it open to the response 'God did it'.

If your parents have been JoHoes since birth, this will be a lot harder - yet if you are able to escape the religion yourself, they should be able to as well.

No idea if that's helpful or not.

 

[codarob94]

It was very helpful, and im going to awnser all of your questions and take into consideration everything you guys tell me. Any questions will be awnsered friday when i make my second entry. Thank you btw, it made me happy to read that.

 

[australopithecus]

Wow, that is an extremely crappy situation you find yourself in.

I'm guessing you're not in a position to leave otherwise it seems you'd have GTFO before now? I don't have any insightful advice and nor would I offer it, you seem to have got you head in the right place regardless and I doubt my ill informed opinion would help but seriously, don't let them get to you. Parents may love you but they can still be complete arseholes. I never had to deal with ultra-fundie parents just a slightly Catholic mother to which my responce is antagonism but I doubt that'll work for you.

 

[Master_Ghost_Knight]

I am not so positive has MrRaverz, they will not budge by trying to explain them how the real world works, and any dissonance an conflict whit their preconcieved ideas will be simple remited to your cildish ignorance rather than theirs. If your parents are hardcore believers that it can only go down the drain (heck they might even try to preform exorcism on you) and it will be a long and frustrating conflict, if they are otherwise then the process will be easy (since they themselfs didn't bet much in religion).
It is all a matter of scale and how much shit you are willing to take and as many things in life you are going to have to suck it up for the choices you make independently of what you chose.

And as your post seems to sugest important events have arrised that forced you into making a decision, your choices are between living a lie or to live your life and nobody can live your life for you. But on the other hand I do think that you have already made that decision, all you need is reassurance. All I can tell you is this, you are going to have to take allot of crap but you will come out ok from the other end, it was inevitable.

 

[RichardMNixon]

Are you going away to college any time soon?

It sounds like you want them to keep their religion but still understand science and what is going on in the world. My thought was to see if you could get them to read some books by Christian scientists (not be to confused with Christian Science the denomination) like Ken Miller or Francis Collins. They'd still believe in god, they would just also know what an ape is.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finding_Darwin's_God
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Only_a_Theory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Language_of_God:_A_Scientist_Presents_Evidence_for_Belief

These two aren't wishy-washy apologetic atheists reaching across the aisle; they're honest-to-god, card-carrying Christians who also happen to understand the science behind evolution. I think they're both Catholic though, I don't know if that would be an issue for your parents' denomination.

 

[Prolescum]

I can't offer any advice really, but I can guarantee that I'll read your posts.

Although to add to what MRaverz posted... W.C. Fields said "Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill".

 

[Doc.]

There is something scarily instinctive and reason-blocking in the brain when it comes to problems between son/daughter and a parent, this is why I find it very hard to give an advice to people with these kinds of problems.

I don't think that following MRaverz's advice would be productive. you can't deal with them with logic and reason, but like you said they love you, this may sound a bit rough but, make a bet on that. push their emotions, and make them appreciate your world view, tell them that they have made your life hell, tell that what you think, at some points letting out the aggression might also be... a good idea.

that's at least what I would do. but without any doubt, the outcome of this way is far more unpredictable than anything else.

 

[codarob94]

Wow. You guys are making me feel alot better about my situation. And just for the record, im going to have to write fridays entry thursday night after the meeting because friday i will be going camping with two brothers from my congregation, any ideas on what i should do/say to them? If anything at all?

 

[DTBeast]

Growing up in that kind of situation can be really tough on a reasoned individual, and I think I can only echo what others have already said, but you mentioned being a teenager, so maybe the smart plan is to try and stay under the radar, do well in school, get into a college that is at least in another city if not out of state. You'd be surprised how much easier it can be to get along with your parents when you are 1000 miles away from them ;-)

I was in a similar situation myself, though it wasn't my folks that were the problem, it was most of the people in my Boy Scout Troop (yeah I'm an Eagle Scout, deal with it) I swear everyone but me in there, Scoutmasters included, were Young Earth Creationists, and I was a loudmouthed agnostic/atheist having to defend my position on Evolution, Cosmology, and everything vs. Goddidit. Oddly enough I'm still friends with some of those guys, 15 years later. I am thankful that that wasn't a problem at home (my mother was a fairly liberal quasi-feminist Christian in name only. I think the only time I saw her in church was for my niece's baptism). So I know "Shut up about it and in a few years you can get out of there" is really annoying advice to receive when you are a passionate teenager, but once you are out of their house, you are a free man.

 

[Case]

You haven't actually posted anything about your plan of action, or even your goal... so I'm not sure how to help.
What do you want to accomplish?

 

[InvisibleStain]

...i will be going camping with two brothers from my congregation, any ideas on what i should do/say to them? If anything

It depends on how they are... According to my personal experience, Jehovah's Witnesses tend to be very sectarian, and would not let anybody outside their circle come close to them... But of course, that depends entirely on how these particular people are... My suggestion would be to get to know exactly what their opinions on the topic are... The phrase "You know, I met an atheist last week..." is a good way to start the conversation... (If you don't want it to be a lie, hi! nice to meet you, I'm InvisibleStain, I'm an atheist)

About the main topic, your parents... I myself am a big fan of telling people the truth, no matter how painful it may be... in your situation, however, it's probably more difficult... Jehovah's Witnesses -at least here- extremely convinced of whatever they believe... I remember that I was trying to explain how little the risk of getting aids via a transfusion was, and how not getting the transfusion would be much more dangerous... Needless to say, numbers were on my side... but my arguments were gallantly ignored.
Check first, act later, that would be my advice

 

[Zac]

I'm in a sort of similar situation. Perhaps my parents aren't as fundamental as yours but they still force me against my will to go to church.
I'm now seventeen years old, and thinking about it now i still can't believe I've put up with it most of my life. Of course, I've argued on several occassions but I rarely get anywhere.
I don't even remember specifically, but I think I simply stopped believeing in God around the same time I realized Santa and the easter bunny didn't exist.

I hope you can find strength in your situation. I know how dificult it can be sometimes and how it makes you feel oppressed simply for who you are.
Good luck.

 

[ExplorerAtHeart]

Once you are 18 you can get out of there. Plan so you can leave the house on or right after your birthday.

 

[Ibis3]

I don't have a lot of time to respond right now since I'm at work. I do have a couple of questions: how old are you? were your parents both born into the congregation or did they convert? are they strict adherents or are they a little lax in following the rules? have they changed in degree of zealousness over time (either getting more or less strict/participatory)? do you think that they would move to have you disfellowshipped or obey if the congregation had you disfellowshipped without them being a party to it?

Judging from what you've said so far, this is my advice (I have a JW sister and b-i-l and my nieces & nephew, so I know a little bit about it):

Don't try to deconvert or confront your parents directly. This will likely just cause strife and alienation and won't really get you anywhere. Even the suggestion about showing them the science (even from other religionists) isn't really a good idea since JWs believe that they are the only true followers of Jehovah and everyone else is misguided by Satan. They've been indoctrinated not to think for themselves but to follow what the elders tell them to think.
Don't "come out" unless you're prepared to be on your own & be disfellowshipped (or at least be browbeaten and harrassed by the people in the congregation who will want to bring you back into the fold).

Instead, continue with your own education and socialise with like-minded folks (or at least non-JWs) as much as you can--join some clubs, teams, or groups focussed on other interests you might have. This will be like a release-valve for you.

There are likely other teens in your congregation that feel similarly. Be cautious but see if you can find out who they might be by talking about some more neutral subjects. For example, you might talk about something political or something scientific or historical that counters the biblical accounts/JW teaching, but isn't a hot topic & see what kind of response you get (or like InvisibleStain suggested, speak about something more "controversial" but attribute it to something you just heard about). The thing is, you'll have to be very careful, because you don't want anyone reporting that you might be losing your faith, right? That's how I'd advise handling this camping trip.

With your parents, just try and focus on attitudes and behaviours you have in common or that are neutral. Day to day stuff. You might be able to talk about very general topics like the value of critical thinking or the wonder of human achievements or the benefits to society when women are respected as more than just wives and mothers. When they bring up the bible (like your Dad did about the earthquake), just acknowledge it and move on (e.g. change the subject after a brief silence). It will be difficult, but a lot of teens have major differences with their parents (e.g. politics, attitudes towards other races/minorities, homosexuality). For now I think you just have to muddle through.

Once you're out of your parents' home, it will be far easier to "live a double life" if that's what you choose to do--at least until you want to get married and/or have kids. If you want to try to deconvert them or confront them instead (or at that point), you'll be in a much different position than you are now.

 

[codarob94]

Second post is up, hopefully i got most of your questions.

 

[sgrunterundt]

I found this video very beautiful. It is not meant as advice, but it might cheer you up.

 

[Zac]

That's one of the most beautiful and touching things I've seen for a long time!
Thankyou very much for sharing.