I just wanted to say thanks to all the members here for helping me out in more ways than they knew they had.
i feel like I've come a long way from being the fundamentalist Muslim that wanted to destroy atheists in debates to what I am now. It's been a while, but I finally feel like I'm making actual progress in my life. When I signed up here, I had no idea what I was in for. It began with a challenge on the 21st Jun 2010 and ended with deconversion on 4th Jul 2010. Both monumental dates in time for me.
I grew up being taught a very radical form of Islam by a paranoid schizophrenic father. Religion to me initially was just a way to interact with people socially, the truth or accuracy of it's interpretation meant nothing to me. As the second child of a family of 22, all I yearned was attention and Islam gave me that at times, even if most (if not all) of it was through lying and saying what I thought people wanted me to hear. Eventually, when I was about 10-11, I started feeling bad about all the lies I told and sought to make amends by actually being the person people thought I was. This soon led to being much more devoutly religious person, but also led me to a lot of questions about religion that I had never considered before. "How do we know this is true?" "How do I know Muhammed even existed" "Why do people devoutly follow other religions?" the list went on... I slowly began explaining away each question with answers that were even more questionable than the questions, but at that time the truth didn't matter to me so much, I just wanted to stop lying about what I was to people, so I never told anyone of my doubts.
"I know Islam is true because the Quran is infallible and has no errors" "We know Muahmmed existed because it says it in the Quran" "People follow other religions because SATAN IS TRICKING THEM!" etc etc...
Those didn't satisfy me however and I soon found myself more occupied with trying to explain things away than I was with trying to be a good Muslim. I hated that. I wanted to be a good Muslim, not explain why I should have been one, but my mind kept pressing me for answers. The biggest one being... "Why does the Quran seem manipulative rather than divine" "Why did Muhammed recieve so many convenient revelations?" and it went on and on...
I used to enjoy debates on the subject because I would tend to feel like the people on my side won, but I oddly developed the ideal that debates were not about revealing the truth about a subject at all, but was more of an intellectual boxing match where any deceptive tactic was fair game. My very first post here, I pretended to be ignorant about what atheism was or why people "chose" to be atheists specifically as a debating technique, I was very disingenuous, very dishonest and I had done a lot of research.
But with every debate I had, I left with more material for my mind to debunk. It was tearing down all the walls of ignorance I had built over the years and eventually I gave up. It wasn't just that I chose to give in however, I really have to thank the people here for actually being patient with me and not being egotistical despite the horrible methods I'd use to try and incite such behaviour.
As an atheist, I feel like a much better person. I don't have to annoy or fight people as a projection of my own weaknesses. I am very open to other people's ideas and advices (given that they have a sound basis in logic and reason) and most importantly I've gotten over a lot of inner demons (so to speak) that radical Islam instilled in me. I experienced the most horrific abuse from a young age which brought me to borderline sociopathy. Throughout a lot of my life I never felt like a part of society almost as if I was a different kind of species hiding in plain sight. I rarely felt any emotions or became emotional about anything, but now I truly feel like a human being, I really feel alive.
I lived in the Middle East for about 10 years of my life and have recently come back to the UK and have never been happier. It was difficult at first, I wasn't sure where I'd stay or live for a while, but a member of family recently put me up and since then I landed a job with the University of East London and I should be getting my own place in mid June. I really do have the people here to thank for my transition and this new found happiness, progress and purpose to my life. I really couldn't be grateful enough....
Edit:
I've also started Vlogging!
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=PureInertia&aq=f
Warning: I tend to steer towards satire.
i feel like I've come a long way from being the fundamentalist Muslim that wanted to destroy atheists in debates to what I am now. It's been a while, but I finally feel like I'm making actual progress in my life. When I signed up here, I had no idea what I was in for. It began with a challenge on the 21st Jun 2010 and ended with deconversion on 4th Jul 2010. Both monumental dates in time for me.
I grew up being taught a very radical form of Islam by a paranoid schizophrenic father. Religion to me initially was just a way to interact with people socially, the truth or accuracy of it's interpretation meant nothing to me. As the second child of a family of 22, all I yearned was attention and Islam gave me that at times, even if most (if not all) of it was through lying and saying what I thought people wanted me to hear. Eventually, when I was about 10-11, I started feeling bad about all the lies I told and sought to make amends by actually being the person people thought I was. This soon led to being much more devoutly religious person, but also led me to a lot of questions about religion that I had never considered before. "How do we know this is true?" "How do I know Muhammed even existed" "Why do people devoutly follow other religions?" the list went on... I slowly began explaining away each question with answers that were even more questionable than the questions, but at that time the truth didn't matter to me so much, I just wanted to stop lying about what I was to people, so I never told anyone of my doubts.
"I know Islam is true because the Quran is infallible and has no errors" "We know Muahmmed existed because it says it in the Quran" "People follow other religions because SATAN IS TRICKING THEM!" etc etc...
Those didn't satisfy me however and I soon found myself more occupied with trying to explain things away than I was with trying to be a good Muslim. I hated that. I wanted to be a good Muslim, not explain why I should have been one, but my mind kept pressing me for answers. The biggest one being... "Why does the Quran seem manipulative rather than divine" "Why did Muhammed recieve so many convenient revelations?" and it went on and on...
I used to enjoy debates on the subject because I would tend to feel like the people on my side won, but I oddly developed the ideal that debates were not about revealing the truth about a subject at all, but was more of an intellectual boxing match where any deceptive tactic was fair game. My very first post here, I pretended to be ignorant about what atheism was or why people "chose" to be atheists specifically as a debating technique, I was very disingenuous, very dishonest and I had done a lot of research.
But with every debate I had, I left with more material for my mind to debunk. It was tearing down all the walls of ignorance I had built over the years and eventually I gave up. It wasn't just that I chose to give in however, I really have to thank the people here for actually being patient with me and not being egotistical despite the horrible methods I'd use to try and incite such behaviour.
As an atheist, I feel like a much better person. I don't have to annoy or fight people as a projection of my own weaknesses. I am very open to other people's ideas and advices (given that they have a sound basis in logic and reason) and most importantly I've gotten over a lot of inner demons (so to speak) that radical Islam instilled in me. I experienced the most horrific abuse from a young age which brought me to borderline sociopathy. Throughout a lot of my life I never felt like a part of society almost as if I was a different kind of species hiding in plain sight. I rarely felt any emotions or became emotional about anything, but now I truly feel like a human being, I really feel alive.
I lived in the Middle East for about 10 years of my life and have recently come back to the UK and have never been happier. It was difficult at first, I wasn't sure where I'd stay or live for a while, but a member of family recently put me up and since then I landed a job with the University of East London and I should be getting my own place in mid June. I really do have the people here to thank for my transition and this new found happiness, progress and purpose to my life. I really couldn't be grateful enough....
Edit:
I've also started Vlogging!
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=PureInertia&aq=f
Warning: I tend to steer towards satire.
Good luck. ^__^
