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Horror Short Film Screen Play 1st Draft

ajh

New Member
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This is a personal project I've been working on for a while. It looks like it will be between 5 to 10 minutes, but I wanted to see what other people thought. The XX:XX is merely a place holder because I don't know what time's to use quite yet, Actor 1 and 2 are also place holders because I haven't decided on names yet. And I'm not entirely sure whether or not to film the "falling down the stairs" bit in point of view, because it will probably look stupid.Some bits may be hard to understand because of my shorthand,and the H.P. Lovecraft quotes are just for shits and giggles.I'm also thinking about having some subtle way of pointing towards Actor 2 for the appearance of the Cultist Business Card,but I'm shit with dialogue so any help there would be lovely. Any/all constructive criticism appreciated! :)

Black screen, "Recording" light outside T.V. studio door flickers on revealing title above it, light turns off, leaving a black screen.

Fade up on close up of main character's hands as he's typing, cut to over shoulder, putting finishing touches on "script". Cut to Actor 2 standing in the doorway of editing room.

Actor 2:
I'm heading out man, you need a ride?

Actor 1:
Nah, I got to finish this segment for the show. Looks like another late night.

Actor 2:
All right, community news is on the network when you need it.

Actor 1:
Thanks.

Actor 2 walks out. Cut to shot of Final Cut Pro where "files went offline"

Actor 1:
No, not now!

Actor 1 gets up, cut to shot inside control room, pan of Actor 1 to the closet door. Cut to inside closet, Actor 1 scanning the shelf of tapes. Cut to close up of his hand as he's taking a tape off the shelf, the Cultist Business Card visible. Cut to wide shot of him reading the tape label, then walking out. As he turns to walk out, slowly tilt down to see card lying on closet floor (Order of the Ominous sound cue). Cut back to Actor 1 sitting down at his computer, then time-lapse of him logging and capturing the tape and editing. Dissolve to clock changing from XX:XX o'clock to XX:XX o'clock. Dissolve to Actor 1 clicking "File > Save Project"

Actor 1:
(Under breath) Finally"¦

Actor 1 gets up, cut to outside in the studio, camera in front of Actor 1 moving backwards. As he walks into the control room, he begins to look confused (blue light over face?). Cut to closet door slightly open, blue light pouring out through the cracks. Actor 1 slowly walks over to the door. Cut to Actor 1 reaching out for the doorknob, cut to close up of his hand and doorknob. Cut to Actor 1 hesitating. Cut to his hand on the doorknob. Cut to close-up of Actor 1's eyes. Cut back to his hand on the doorknob as Actor 1 pulls the door open. Cut to close-up Actor 1's eyes, closed, expecting something to jump out at him. Actor 1 slowly opens one eye. Cut to POV shot looking into closet, blue light gone, nothing there. Cut to shot of Actor 1 standing in doorway of closet, hand still on the doorframe.

Actor 1:
What the hell?

Cut to low angle shot looking up at Actor 1. Actor 1 looks around confused. Looking down at the floor, he sees card. Crouches down to pick up the card. Actor 1 inspects card, confused, card in foreground. Cut to camera following Actor 1 turning off the studio (monitors, lights, etc). Pauses before he turns off main studio lights, pulls the Cultist Business Card out of his pocket. After briefly inspecting it, he replaces it and looks back around. Cut to POV pan of studio. Cut back to Actor 1 turning off studio lights, waking out door. Cut to behind shot of Actor 1 walking down hallway. Cut to floor-level shot peeking around corner at Actor 1. Reverse shot of Actor 1 walking down hallway. Cut back to low shot, now following Actor 1. Reverse shot again, Actor 1 feeling presence behind him. Actor 1 turns back to look behind him to see nothing there. Cut back to low shot, stopped moving, looking up at Actor 1. Still in this shot, Actor 1 turns back around and walks around the corner. Cut to close up of Actor 1 opening his lock. Cut to floor level shot, approaching Actor 1. Cut to side view of Actor putting books in his backpack, when the locker door suddenly slams shut.

Actor 1:
Jesus!

Actor 1 looks around nervously.

Actor 1:
Who's there! Show your face!

Cut to POV shot looking down hallway, nothing there. Cut back to Actor 1 as something pulls his leg out from under him. Cut to low shot as he falls onto his back. He looks up, shocked.

Actor 1:
What the--?!

Cut to POV of Demon watching Actor 1 stand up.

Actor 1:
Holy shit.

Actor 1 backs away, then turns around and runs. Cut to demon POV in pursuit. Cut to close-up of Actor 1 looking behind him, cut back to POV shot. (Still in POV shot) Actor 1 tries to open a classroom door, only to find it locked. He continues to run. Cut to Actor 1 running down hallway, into a stairwell. He puts his back against one of the doors, trying to catch his breath. He slowly goes to look through one of the door's windows. Cut to POV shot of him looking through the window, seeing nothing. Cut back to side view of Actor 1 leaning back against the door, relieved that he lost whatever was chasing him. The door he isn't leaning against flies open with a crash.

Actor 1:
FUCK!

Actor 1 hurries down the first flight of stairs, tries to go down the second but trips and falls. Cut to POV of Actor 1 falling down the stairs. Cut to black. Fade up on Actor 1 lying on the ground in pain. As he comes to, he looks up at the top of the stairs and realizes that the demon is looking down at him. Cut to POV of demon, looking down at Actor 1. Cut to close up of Actor 1's eyes, wide with fear. Cut to Actor 1 trying to stand up. He can't because his leg is broken. POV of demon looking down at Actor 1, then charges down the stairs towards Actor 1's face "Evil Dead style."

Ending 1: Actor 1 dies. "That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die." ~H.P. Lovecraft

As the demon closes in, Actor 1 screams. Cut to empty stairwell as Actor 1's screams echo and fade into silence (Order of the Ominous sound cue). Cut to black.

Ending 2: Actor 1 banishes the demon. "The Old Ones were, the Old Ones are, and the Old Ones shall be." ~H.P. Lovecraft

As the demon closes in, cut to Actor 1 realizing he put the card in his pocket. He pulls it out. looks at it quickly. Cut to POV shot of demon, where we can see Actor 1 beginning to tear the card. Cut back to a side view of Actor 1, tearing the card, waiting for the final blow. He slowly opens his eyes, realizing that he's still alive. Cut to over the shoulder shot as he looks at the two halves of the card he's holding. Cut back to floor-level front shot, where Actor 1 slowly gets up and hobbles out of the stairwell. Slowly tilt down to the card halves lying on the floor (Order of the Ominous sound cue). Cut to black.

Ending 3: Actor 1 has been swallowed by madness. "...possibilities are even more hideous than realities." ~H.P. Lovecraft

As the demon closes in, cut to close up of Actor 1 as he closes his eyes expecting the final blow. He slowly opens his eyes, realizing he's still alive. Cut to wide shot of Actor 1 lying on the floor, looking around, confused and scared. He reaches into his pocket for the Cultist Business Card, but finds nothing. Cut to wide shot on top of stairs looking down at Actor 1 (Order of the Ominous sound cue). Cut to black.
 
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